To my Forever Friend.. not a Day goes by..

I thought of you today, but really that's never anything new, I saw a picture of you today, on facebook and I got tears in my eyes, Its amazing how long you've been gone I still half expect you to walk through your moms kitchen from your downstairs room, and ask me what we were gonna do today, we said we would make memories as Adults as we did as kids, now Im here and your not, my Heart breaks when I think that we don't get to have that, We said we would raise our kids together like our Moms did, but you started early and its all we have let of you, how is that right? because it doesn't feel right to me. I wish I could call you when I need you, Instead I talk to myself and wonder if your listening, I go to your grave sometimes, and wonder if you watch and listen as I talk, I don't feel you there though, I would go to our hill but too many people would wonder what I was doing, and crying on the side of the road doesn't seem right either, I know your in heaven , I know your with Katie Woods and Schuyler Patch and Uncle Dipes, and so much more ... But its not right, Nothing about your death has ever been right... You are suppose to be here , not me screaming thinking why you got in the car that night, why you drove, and then screaming saying were not INVISIBLE no matter how many times we did that, No matter how many times we knew it wasnt right, I get that pain in my heart alot, I wonder why I have to lose so much,
 I've lost too much.. 
Im sure your saying stop crying, Im in a better place, were still friends and I know you miss me. 
But Ill Never forgive myself for not healing our Friendship before you left this earth. 

The World is getting crazier, people shooting eachother, crazy storms, Kids bullying eachother so much they kill themselves or Others.. 

15 Year Reunion is coming up , Im not taking the night off, It wont be the same without you, Its been 14 years for you, how is that even possible. Your son is in High School and he hasn't had the easiest life, but he has many people that love him, he just doesn't get the love of his mom.. You should be here. God took one of the best when he took you..

That night haunts me, I wish I was there to stop you from getting in that car, I wish that you didn't have to go through that pain, it was instant i hope, and you felt nothing I'm sure Uncle Dipes was there to greet you as you walked through heavens Gate.. and if I know you at all , you were saying how did I get here, all the wrong all the bad I did how am I here.. But as much as you raised Hell, picked fights, won and lost fights, you were still the girl god wanted to let into his Kingdom im sure of it..
I still wish I could have been there to hold your hand, tell you everything was going to be Okay.. Most Importantly I wish I was there to say I'm sorry... I'm sorry for the years of friendship we never made up, Im sorry for not being that bigger person and saying .. JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME,,.. I would have told you the truth even though I knew you already knew it..I know deep down we both knew the truth, But it was Highschool we had changed , in so many ways, but I know deep down you always knew the truth, at least that's what I tell myself.. because anything else, just hurts..

There well NEVER be a day in my life where I don't miss my best friend, Wish you were here with me, so much has happened, so much i want to share with you. I miss you Ab's .. Keep trucking on in Heaven.. My forever Friend I love and Miss you dearly..
Until its my time..Ill keep missing you and remembering all my memories I have of our Unique crazy friendship .. I hope when its my time you greet me at heavens gate Until then,..