Goodbye 2009

This year for me has pretty much been a world wind..A roller coaster by far.

I lost myself this year,I went from always knowing what I wanted,to losing everything I ever wanted.

I lost my Friend,and someone I loved so very much in February and I feel that i haven't been the same since.

I went through depression this year,and I hope I never have to go through that again...

I'm ready for this year to be over,maybe I can finally pick up the pieces Ive let fall out of place and pick myself up the only way I know how.

This year I made it to a year as a sous chef one of my biggest accomplishments in my life thus far.

I turned 26 this year,I'm only 4 years away from being 30 oh dear god...

I fell out of love with a guy Ive been in Love with for 4 years.

My family has been my rock especially my grandma she well never know how much her comfort and concern and love for me has truly helped me over the years..

Amy contacted me this year for the first time in 17years I heard from someone who has been out of my life for 17years,my emotions ran high,and not in a good way.

I lost myself this year and I hope in 2010 I get me back...



thanks for listening :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Bring on 2010

One year has already passed by..Miss you papa

One year has passed by,*10-19-08* I cant believe how the time has flew by,everyone tells me that it gets easier as the years go by some have even said that the days get easier,but everyday I think of how fast time has seem to fly by,where does the time go?




One day you were here,giving me hugs and telling me not to sit on Ur knee so I wouldn't break it,and we would laugh..the next minute I'm in Las Vegas and I get a call from grandma and you and your saying I miss you and love you baby.The next night I get a call from my dad saying you were no longer with us.


I remember that day but after that for a few months things were pretty cloudy.I never thought that life would be this hard..I didn't know if Id ever go back to being the Hedo arie you once used to call me.I walked around in clouds and thinking of all the things you ll never get to see or do again.Then I thought about what your defiantly doing up in heaven(Parting with a Milwaukee beer in your hand and enjoying watching over us)

When I went home in June 2009 I could barely go in your house(The house you and your brothers built with your own hands),or be around your chair you loved,I didn't want things to have been changed I wanted you to be around I needed you to be there.Our Family needs you to be HERE. Grandma needs you...Its not fair that god got to chose it was your time go,Because I never got to say goodbye or that I love you so much papa...

For months I was angry,I screamed at the Sky's believing that it was God's fault,that he is the one that made me feel this loss..this pain.I wasn't ready to have you leave..Its not fair,I miss you being here..I miss you teasing me about sitting on your lap,or taking your false teeth out and scaring the crap out of me with them...I miss you papa...
People that say Time heals all wounds... But they never lost a grandpa like you.

It just doest seem possible that it has been a year ...A Year ALREADY..where does the time go?

I remember going home,I remember having to say my goodbye's I remember how hard it was for me to walk up there,and I remember trying to be the strong one for my mom.

I miss you everyday and every second of that day your always on my mind..I know now that it was your turn to go,and I'm not mad at god anymore I understand he wanted someone as special as you.

I'll NEVER ever forget you I love you always.

Your Oldest Grandchild(and first Granddaughter Hedo arie)

Street naming

Today October 3,2009

Was the day they made it official.Your sign..Your name as a street sign...

Everyone that I knew was there,except for me. I saw some pictures of your sister&dad reveling.. the name,Ur sign....For you well never ever be forgotten,This I know..I know that this well be in so many hearts for years to come and everyone well know who SGT.Schuyler Patch was..What he meant to so many,and that he went down fighting like the true Hero we all knew and Loved.

Its been 7months and I know that time is passing by,and I keep looking for you to get off that bus,But then I come to realization,your bus has already made it home..and then I realize..7months ago you came home,Just not the way anyone ever wanted.

Your a Hero,A soldier,A friend,A uncle,A Son,A Brother...etc

Its true,hero's R NEVER EVER FORGOTTEN..

Some gave Some....

SOME GAVE ALL..

The time well pass by,and they say it gets easier..Time heals all wounds right? Well its been this long already and I still miss u so much..Just as much as I did the day you left this earth

February 24th,2009...

But You went down fighting and I and no ONE ELSE well ever forget so THANK YOU&KNOW I LOVE YOU,I MISS YOU AND ILL NEVER FORGET..<3

Hog Days

Welcome to A Tradition Kewanee Style :)

Where I'm from Labor day is called Hog Days,sounds hilarious right?

We are known in Illinois for being the Hog Capital of the world.

So Hog days it is..I used to LOVE hog days,the parade,the cotton Candy,the apple cider slush's,the Elephant Ears,The Corn dogs and most importantly the Pork Chop sandwich's. I also loved getting away from my family for the weekend and not having to worry about school.Hanging with my girls because my dad would be out with his friends and my mom would be up at the bars hanging with all her classmates and the girls she hung around with,it was a tradition,her girls would return home for the annual hog days!From the Rides,to the Cardi rats lol! and the food it was all fun!!

I haven't been to a hog days in 7 years and every year I hear how it was so much fun,the rides,the food the bar hopping...

So I'm going to explain to you how good old Hog Days came around...
At one time Kewanee IL had more hogs in the area than people. Farmers produced hogs in this fertile region often on pasture. The days of confinement systems have changed some things, but the area's hog heritage has not been forgotten. Each Labor Day there is a whole weekend of activities. Hog Days, the biggest festival in Henry County, began as a simple barbecue to commemorate a proclamation. on Saturday, September 20, 1947, the USDA declared officially that Henry County was the "top hog" so to speak in America when it came to pork production. A barrow show was held to find the best hog of the many in the area, when farmers made a living raising hogs. On 1949, March 23rd to be exact, that the Illinois House of Representatives unanimously passed House Resolution 40 declaring Henry County and Kewanee the Hog Capital Of The World, a resolution introduced by Frank P. Johnson R-Kewanee. The festival is highlighted by the world's largest outdoor pork chop BBQ - massive grills are set up for grilling yummy pork chops and butterfly pork chop sandwiches for the thousands of guests that crowd into the small town every year. Chop sandwiches are $3 each and pork patties just $1 - be prepared as lines are long near meal times!! A carnival is set up on the downtown streets; there's a large parade with floats, horses, officials and entries of a wide variety that happens on Saturday each year. Featuring the world's largest outdoor pork barbecue (grilling over 25 thousand butterfly pork chops and pork patties) as well as a huge flea market/craft show, carnival for the kids, tractor pull competition, model T rally, 4 mile fitness run (better known as the "hog stampede"), live stage shows, softball tourney and one of the largest parades in downstate Illinois...there's something going on almost all the time day and night Friday through Monday of Labor Day weekend. It's our way of gathering together with family and friends like you to celebrate and say good-bye to one season while getting ready for the next.Concieved in the 1940's and offically established in 1954.Kewanee's end of summer celebration has never missed a labor day weekend in 56 years.

Second group of soldiers home safe&sound

Welcome Home Soldiers

Tonight was the second group of soldiers that returned home after more then a year over in Afghanistan.I sat and watched the video online,and seeing the soldiers coming off the bus,was bitter sweet,and I realized Schuyler isn't going to be there..It wasn't fair,he would never be walking off that bus again,As I started to cry... I realized and started saying to myself hes safe now,He don't want me to cry any more.So I Stopped because his buddies his friends,were all home safe and sound,and he was safe..He would no longer be hurt.So Welcome home soldiers,thank you for all you do,Its a hard job but thank you for protecting your home,your families,and all of our families.WELCOME HOME..

As I sat there watching the 10pm news from my home town,and anticipating the soldiers return,I just sat there..thinking if only 6 months ago wasn't true..You never really think of all the bad things that go on in your life,or the hurt,you try to live your life everyday like if it were you last,.

But you really don't think about living everyday like that to your fullest tell tragedy hits,at least I didn't.I used to say that I can sleep when I'm dead and that sleep isn't all that important,and part of me still believes that,But a girl needs her beauty rest..

When Schuyler died 6m ago,I said that I would change..I would be me,smiles,hugs,a happy heart and Id start having my life back I wouldn't let the hours I work put me down,or keep me from my friends and parties I hated missing..But here I am 6 months later..I work stupid hours and I sleep all day and work all night,a life? Not even close,would Schuyler be disappointed... ya he'd be yelling at me right now saying Heather..Get up stop sleeping,go out party on your days off,It's Vegas baby..You always got something to do !

But I'm no longer going to dwell on the past,Schuyler might be gone..Hell a lot of soldiers over the past few years with this war have never made it home,Its hard and I know that I'm not the only one that's hurting inside.. But I'm going to remember them,Never forget them,and be thankful that I still have time for my family and my friends,and to have a life again,,so again to all the soldiers living and passed on thank you,For all that you are doing,have done or well do.GOD BLESS R SOLDIERS.

Relationships

What do you know about relationships?

I mean we've all had them..One day or another we've all been in a relationship. Maybe some of us are single,most of the people in my life are Engaged,couldn't possibly be any happier for them.Alot of my friends are married and I couldn't be more happier for them.Or I have friends that are waiting patiently for there boyfriends or husband's to come home from war..But what if the one you loved just wasn't around anymore,what if you were married for 50 years and the love of your life passed on and left you here..Is the relationship over..Or is it just in the wings waiting for you.

But what about being single..seeing the world,doing what you want to do because you can,flirting..etc..

I'm single,I'm 25. Ive been in Love twice and I believe that anyone that knows me or my story,believes Ive put up alot with my ex's.. But Relationships end,More often then not they don't end smoothly.

Some couples keep in touch after breaking up with you,and usually there isn't anything wrong with that.But what if you have a abusive bf or girlfriend.What if your in a relationship because your to scared to leave..Afraid of what they might do.Or what if they are cheating on you,and you cant help to be constantly be looking over your shoulder and thinking is he or she going to leave me because I'm just not good enough anymore..What type of a relationship is that...?

Do I want a relationship..sure do... some day,Would love to have someone that loves me for me,someone that can put up with my attitude,and deal that I'm probably one of the most pickiest people ever..From Food to Men in my life...

Ive been told countless times that I need to stop looking,and that person I am suppose to be with well come walking through the doors,Ive also been told that when I do get a bf and we get married I well be pretty hard to live with..My grandmother has told me that a time or 2,and yes shes right..I like things done a certain way,I don't like dishes in the sink all night long,I like my quite time,and I Like the fact that when I need my space your just going to have to understand that..Everyone is different,None of us are the same because if we were,what would come of this world..

Relationships,well they ever be easy..

6 months

Today 6 months ago I lost someone who made my heart skip a beat,A man I have unconditionally loved since High school.We went our separate ways through the years, but he was always in the back of my mind,When he contacted me about 5 or 6 years ago he told me he was in the Army and he was back in K-town.We would talk for hours of stories of are lives and of our pasts..He teased me constantly about how big of a crush I had on him.But who would blame me,those baby blue eyes and the smile that made you weak in the knees.

But 6 months ago today..February 24,2009 I got a text message from my friend Cassie asking me if I heard what had happened to Schuyler :( As soon as I saw the sad face and I saw his name I crumbled,I was scared so I asked what what is it..she said he's in Heaven. I couldn't believe it I talked to him 2 days ago,and he never answered me this morning on yahoo messenger,we talked almost every night,I should of known something was wrong.I called my dad crying hysterically,unable to stop and unable to utter out the words dad..So when my dad answered I was crying he said Heather...Heather...I said ya.He said who told you.I lost it more,It was true so dad said Heather who told you,I wanted to wait tell tomorrow to tell you so you wouldn't have this over your head at work.But I somehow I got up and dressed for work and drove to work.In a daze the whole way,not really knowing how I got there,I sat in the office my face all red my eyes blood shot from the crying.I sat there,and my Food and Beverage assistant manager came in,she said Heather whats wrong I told her..She cried with me,and called my Assistant Chef,she told him and I just sat there dazed and confused and scared. Unable to put this in to reality,because it was the worse reality I had gotten..

My Chef said come on Scobby lets walk so we went for a walk I didn't say a word I just followed he said I think maybe you should go home,to you apt,and deal with this and cry and get it out I think you ll be better off that way.I shook my Head.I left 2 days off and I was back,still not all the talkative,In some ways I really didn't feel I was there at all.I felt lost,and I wasn't thinking clearly,if at all. Life was totally random,I never thought Id lose someone else I loved,For months I was Mad at God,Mad at the world,I didnt want to lose him,I didnt know how to feel..I hated hurting,My heart was breaking and all I could do was cry...I may never be me again,Because a big chunk of me is missing,My heart is still breaking and Im not sure I'll ever be the same..But Ill never forget the man I loved,my friend,My hero,My soldier.

So here I am again 6m later remembering my fallen Friend,crush,and round about great guy,and a soldier and especially a Hero.

I well never forget this day,or the week I went home to say my goodbyes and pay my respects.I love you Schuyler,Always have,Always Well.I'm so happy I knew you,I'm so glad you were in my life,I well Never forget the memories,Threw the tears I well cry,and have cried and the smiles we shared not a moment with you well I ever forget.I love you and I'm so glad I told you.Love Always<3>

Never forgotten your the True American Hero..thank you,I Love you & Miss you <3

6months later,I write about My Friend,a Soldier,A Hero,A great Man,&someone I love<3 Sgt.Schuyler B.Patch..

3-5-2009

I flew home for no ordinary vacation,Honestly wasn't a vacation at all.I found out February 24,2009 that my Friend,and someone I loved so much,had got killed in War.Now I know how it felt back when the World war 1 and 2 where going on,This wasn't suppose to happened,Schuyler and I had known each other for years,and I was no where ready to say good bye.I arrived in Kewanee,and as my grandparents went by the Flags I wept in pain of knowing this was all going to be true too soon,and then I met my mom and walked with her to the Veterans park,Knowing there just wouldn't be any parking,and knowing we didn't live far at all. We walked.When I saw that Big Red White and Blue Flag hanging above,I knew this was all too Real.There were People all over,the Entire park was Full.My Friend Megan and Kassie,Came up with these Pins of Schuyler on them,and I got one :) I smiled and was so happy at how many people respected him,and Loved him.The Pin is something I can keep forever and never forget that Smile.As my mother and I went to the front entrance of the park,I sat there and starred at all the people who was there to Welcome Our Fallen Friend and Hero home,to where he belongs. As the Escort started My heart hurt,and realization began,Schuyler was

coming home but he was gone..Id never get another text message from him,Id never get to hear his voice or laugh on the phone,I would no longer get pics of his new tattoo's or hear about his day,Never get another chance to talk on the web cam,id never get to feel his Arms wrapped around me,and hug me so tight as only he knew how.My Realization had hit home,As they rode around the park and I snapped pics and cried,I couldn't believe how this was happening,Only 2 days before he got killed I had talked to him,I still didn't want to believe the truth.Then the Limos stopped in front of us,out walked his family,then the Hurse stopped,then the Humvee limo stopped and out came more family and my Dad(Johns friend) and Jay(another friend of the families)Stepped out and I wanted to run to my dad but All I could do is Cry,as my mom held me in her arms,I heard the KHS band play,(where my sister plays)and then they raised the Flags,and the Bag pipes played,( I LOST IT) (my grandpa is also a Vet of a war&he just died 4 months ago so hearing that again hurt more then I could take)I cried because my heart was aching.As the silence of tears came down people's faces,I just kept staring at his dad John,his mom Colleen,His Sister Amber,His step mom Amy and his two brothers Seth and Garret.I knew how bad I had been hurting,I could only imagine the pain they were in.Then I looked at his aunts and uncles ones I hadn't yet met I would later that night,How much pain I could see in the eyes,and through there tears,I wanted to say that it would be ok,But I didn't know how cause I still Miss him everyday.As we left the park that day,I wasn't sure how I could ever look at that park again and not see Sky and his escort into town.I remember asking my dad when we got home how was the ride and he said it was unbelievable,just when u think Kewanee is going to Hell,and u think they r all assholes they prove u wrong,he said people were on the side of the road with there heads down crying,there were small children waving flags,and a older woman on the side of the road weeping in her hands,it was generations of people coming together,Mourning for a Fallen but never forgotten soldier.SGT.Schuyler Brent Patch

3-6-09

I hadn't slept much that night,I just kept thinking on how this was all so real. My dad and I were going to spend the day together,that was never new for us(I'm a daddy's girl) He told me that he wanted to go out and go four wheeling he said that maybe that would help us heal and get are minds off of it... do something that we Loved,I agreed. But before that he said he wanted to go be there for John and the family,I agreed..We met the family up at the Funeral parlor and my dad told John and Amy and Amber and the rest we are here for you we don't have to go in we just want to be here for u.They thanked us,I hugged Amber and Amy,and John and Lori and watched as they all went inside,Slowly they all came out crying non stop,I felt so bad..I wanted to go to them and tell them it was a bad dream but as I slowly saw them coming out I knew it was him,And I knew it was TRUE Reality..would soon hit me. John told my dad and I and the guys Bobby,Jarrod,Trigg,Slover and Nick that we could all go in. I wasn't sure so I watched my dad,we walked in and I couldn't move from the door..I wasn't ready,My dad went on ahead and Jarrod fallowed I was behind Jarrod,and I was scared, When I hit the last step and saw the Army Guards standing there by Schuyler's side.. and I saw Jarrod start to lose it that was it I had to turn around I couldn't do this.. When my dad turned to me after seeing Schuyler and Jarrod was up there leaving Schuyler something and crying I looked at my dad as he was wiping his tears and I took one look of how Schuyler looked and I lost it,I wasn't able to make it up there to say Good bye..I couldn't look at him and so I turned around and Ran out of the Funeral home with my dad following behind me..Running after me.. I heard my dad say Heather..as in between my sobs I heard its gonna be ok,and I cried more(I cried so hard I got sick)Then I heard my dad say Baby its ok,he is safe now hes Home...where he belongs(he hadn't called me his baby girl in years) I ran away cause I didn't want to make it worse for the family,I was dying inside and I just couldn't imagine how they were feeling.. Dad and I calmed down and said goodbye to John and them John said Ill go 4wheeling with you guys but I got some last minute things to do so well meet up..He hugged me and said Its ok Heather..I hugged him and tried very hard to stay strong for that family..But John kept telling me its ok,he knows u miss him and Love him its ok I know...John made me smile that day,and I made him smile he said that he was so happy I was home,and that I was one of the First faces he saw at the park yesterday and he was so happy I was here..I told him I wouldn't of had it any other way..

3-7-2009

The day had came I was going to have to say goodbye,to a friend,to a man who always knew how to put up with me,but love me for who I am yet today.We went to the whs school early today,More then over packed gymnasium.He would of been so proud to see everyone in one Gym for him.When the Governor came in I thought wow this is so neat,Skys probably up there saying what the HELL?LOL..But when the walked Schuyler's body up there I lost control,today was going to be worse then Thursday and I had nothing but tears in my eyes and nothing to stop them.The entire ceremony was great,it was very neat,when we got in the Funeral procession we went through town,I saw people waving flags,people with there hands over there hearts Little kids to grown adults.The whole town together one more day,R town was coming together n the time of need.Saturday was the hardest day of my life,saying goodbye to my friend,my hero,The man Id love 4-ever. Schuyler Brent Patch<3

3-9-2009Left Kewanee,Today I said my goodbyes to my family,then I went and said my goodbyes to the Patch's I still couldn't believe that I had came home for this,I still couldn't believe how hurt I was still feeling cause I wasn't ready to leave not any where close.As I took my last pictures,and said goodbyes mom took me to say hello and goodbye to my Grandpa John I lost 4 months ago,then down the street from him was Schuyler so I stopped to say goodbye,then down the street from him was Abby Dana,another friend and some one else we lost so early in life.I got in the car and told myself I wouldn't cry,they want me to move on with my life that's what I well try to do.I told my mom that there is just to many people and stops in this graveyard,and its just not fair..Guess god does things for a reason but I'm still not sure of it yet.Schuyler Patch u know I love u,always have,always well.U'll never be forgotten.
August 24,2009 Its been 6 months,I still cant believe your gone.It still seems like yesterday.I LOVE U AND I MISS U ALWAYS<3>

Life is so Random..

Grandma's problem with a Squirrel

So everyday I talk to my grandma on the phone,were very close.So the other day she tells me about this squirrel she has problems with all the time.She says that its eating her Hibiscus,she said I want to take a hold of it swing it around by its tail and I started laughing at her..She said its NOT FUNNY..Its eating my plant ..

8/23/2009 So today she tells me she put HOT pepper seeds all over the plant and in hopes the squirrel well stay away..Her father was a huge fan of squirrels so when shes yelling at it,and I'm laughing at her cause thankfully I don't have that problem,I tell her what would your dad do if you were thrown stuff or scaring the squirrel away..She said I don't care he can have the stupid things..

I love my grandma and I'm so glad I don't got this problem with my Hibiscus!