Relationships

What do you know about relationships?

I mean we've all had them..One day or another we've all been in a relationship. Maybe some of us are single,most of the people in my life are Engaged,couldn't possibly be any happier for them.Alot of my friends are married and I couldn't be more happier for them.Or I have friends that are waiting patiently for there boyfriends or husband's to come home from war..But what if the one you loved just wasn't around anymore,what if you were married for 50 years and the love of your life passed on and left you here..Is the relationship over..Or is it just in the wings waiting for you.

But what about being single..seeing the world,doing what you want to do because you can,flirting..etc..

I'm single,I'm 25. Ive been in Love twice and I believe that anyone that knows me or my story,believes Ive put up alot with my ex's.. But Relationships end,More often then not they don't end smoothly.

Some couples keep in touch after breaking up with you,and usually there isn't anything wrong with that.But what if you have a abusive bf or girlfriend.What if your in a relationship because your to scared to leave..Afraid of what they might do.Or what if they are cheating on you,and you cant help to be constantly be looking over your shoulder and thinking is he or she going to leave me because I'm just not good enough anymore..What type of a relationship is that...?

Do I want a relationship..sure do... some day,Would love to have someone that loves me for me,someone that can put up with my attitude,and deal that I'm probably one of the most pickiest people ever..From Food to Men in my life...

Ive been told countless times that I need to stop looking,and that person I am suppose to be with well come walking through the doors,Ive also been told that when I do get a bf and we get married I well be pretty hard to live with..My grandmother has told me that a time or 2,and yes shes right..I like things done a certain way,I don't like dishes in the sink all night long,I like my quite time,and I Like the fact that when I need my space your just going to have to understand that..Everyone is different,None of us are the same because if we were,what would come of this world..

Relationships,well they ever be easy..

6 months

Today 6 months ago I lost someone who made my heart skip a beat,A man I have unconditionally loved since High school.We went our separate ways through the years, but he was always in the back of my mind,When he contacted me about 5 or 6 years ago he told me he was in the Army and he was back in K-town.We would talk for hours of stories of are lives and of our pasts..He teased me constantly about how big of a crush I had on him.But who would blame me,those baby blue eyes and the smile that made you weak in the knees.

But 6 months ago today..February 24,2009 I got a text message from my friend Cassie asking me if I heard what had happened to Schuyler :( As soon as I saw the sad face and I saw his name I crumbled,I was scared so I asked what what is it..she said he's in Heaven. I couldn't believe it I talked to him 2 days ago,and he never answered me this morning on yahoo messenger,we talked almost every night,I should of known something was wrong.I called my dad crying hysterically,unable to stop and unable to utter out the words dad..So when my dad answered I was crying he said Heather...Heather...I said ya.He said who told you.I lost it more,It was true so dad said Heather who told you,I wanted to wait tell tomorrow to tell you so you wouldn't have this over your head at work.But I somehow I got up and dressed for work and drove to work.In a daze the whole way,not really knowing how I got there,I sat in the office my face all red my eyes blood shot from the crying.I sat there,and my Food and Beverage assistant manager came in,she said Heather whats wrong I told her..She cried with me,and called my Assistant Chef,she told him and I just sat there dazed and confused and scared. Unable to put this in to reality,because it was the worse reality I had gotten..

My Chef said come on Scobby lets walk so we went for a walk I didn't say a word I just followed he said I think maybe you should go home,to you apt,and deal with this and cry and get it out I think you ll be better off that way.I shook my Head.I left 2 days off and I was back,still not all the talkative,In some ways I really didn't feel I was there at all.I felt lost,and I wasn't thinking clearly,if at all. Life was totally random,I never thought Id lose someone else I loved,For months I was Mad at God,Mad at the world,I didnt want to lose him,I didnt know how to feel..I hated hurting,My heart was breaking and all I could do was cry...I may never be me again,Because a big chunk of me is missing,My heart is still breaking and Im not sure I'll ever be the same..But Ill never forget the man I loved,my friend,My hero,My soldier.

So here I am again 6m later remembering my fallen Friend,crush,and round about great guy,and a soldier and especially a Hero.

I well never forget this day,or the week I went home to say my goodbyes and pay my respects.I love you Schuyler,Always have,Always Well.I'm so happy I knew you,I'm so glad you were in my life,I well Never forget the memories,Threw the tears I well cry,and have cried and the smiles we shared not a moment with you well I ever forget.I love you and I'm so glad I told you.Love Always<3>

Never forgotten your the True American Hero..thank you,I Love you & Miss you <3

6months later,I write about My Friend,a Soldier,A Hero,A great Man,&someone I love<3 Sgt.Schuyler B.Patch..

3-5-2009

I flew home for no ordinary vacation,Honestly wasn't a vacation at all.I found out February 24,2009 that my Friend,and someone I loved so much,had got killed in War.Now I know how it felt back when the World war 1 and 2 where going on,This wasn't suppose to happened,Schuyler and I had known each other for years,and I was no where ready to say good bye.I arrived in Kewanee,and as my grandparents went by the Flags I wept in pain of knowing this was all going to be true too soon,and then I met my mom and walked with her to the Veterans park,Knowing there just wouldn't be any parking,and knowing we didn't live far at all. We walked.When I saw that Big Red White and Blue Flag hanging above,I knew this was all too Real.There were People all over,the Entire park was Full.My Friend Megan and Kassie,Came up with these Pins of Schuyler on them,and I got one :) I smiled and was so happy at how many people respected him,and Loved him.The Pin is something I can keep forever and never forget that Smile.As my mother and I went to the front entrance of the park,I sat there and starred at all the people who was there to Welcome Our Fallen Friend and Hero home,to where he belongs. As the Escort started My heart hurt,and realization began,Schuyler was

coming home but he was gone..Id never get another text message from him,Id never get to hear his voice or laugh on the phone,I would no longer get pics of his new tattoo's or hear about his day,Never get another chance to talk on the web cam,id never get to feel his Arms wrapped around me,and hug me so tight as only he knew how.My Realization had hit home,As they rode around the park and I snapped pics and cried,I couldn't believe how this was happening,Only 2 days before he got killed I had talked to him,I still didn't want to believe the truth.Then the Limos stopped in front of us,out walked his family,then the Hurse stopped,then the Humvee limo stopped and out came more family and my Dad(Johns friend) and Jay(another friend of the families)Stepped out and I wanted to run to my dad but All I could do is Cry,as my mom held me in her arms,I heard the KHS band play,(where my sister plays)and then they raised the Flags,and the Bag pipes played,( I LOST IT) (my grandpa is also a Vet of a war&he just died 4 months ago so hearing that again hurt more then I could take)I cried because my heart was aching.As the silence of tears came down people's faces,I just kept staring at his dad John,his mom Colleen,His Sister Amber,His step mom Amy and his two brothers Seth and Garret.I knew how bad I had been hurting,I could only imagine the pain they were in.Then I looked at his aunts and uncles ones I hadn't yet met I would later that night,How much pain I could see in the eyes,and through there tears,I wanted to say that it would be ok,But I didn't know how cause I still Miss him everyday.As we left the park that day,I wasn't sure how I could ever look at that park again and not see Sky and his escort into town.I remember asking my dad when we got home how was the ride and he said it was unbelievable,just when u think Kewanee is going to Hell,and u think they r all assholes they prove u wrong,he said people were on the side of the road with there heads down crying,there were small children waving flags,and a older woman on the side of the road weeping in her hands,it was generations of people coming together,Mourning for a Fallen but never forgotten soldier.SGT.Schuyler Brent Patch

3-6-09

I hadn't slept much that night,I just kept thinking on how this was all so real. My dad and I were going to spend the day together,that was never new for us(I'm a daddy's girl) He told me that he wanted to go out and go four wheeling he said that maybe that would help us heal and get are minds off of it... do something that we Loved,I agreed. But before that he said he wanted to go be there for John and the family,I agreed..We met the family up at the Funeral parlor and my dad told John and Amy and Amber and the rest we are here for you we don't have to go in we just want to be here for u.They thanked us,I hugged Amber and Amy,and John and Lori and watched as they all went inside,Slowly they all came out crying non stop,I felt so bad..I wanted to go to them and tell them it was a bad dream but as I slowly saw them coming out I knew it was him,And I knew it was TRUE Reality..would soon hit me. John told my dad and I and the guys Bobby,Jarrod,Trigg,Slover and Nick that we could all go in. I wasn't sure so I watched my dad,we walked in and I couldn't move from the door..I wasn't ready,My dad went on ahead and Jarrod fallowed I was behind Jarrod,and I was scared, When I hit the last step and saw the Army Guards standing there by Schuyler's side.. and I saw Jarrod start to lose it that was it I had to turn around I couldn't do this.. When my dad turned to me after seeing Schuyler and Jarrod was up there leaving Schuyler something and crying I looked at my dad as he was wiping his tears and I took one look of how Schuyler looked and I lost it,I wasn't able to make it up there to say Good bye..I couldn't look at him and so I turned around and Ran out of the Funeral home with my dad following behind me..Running after me.. I heard my dad say Heather..as in between my sobs I heard its gonna be ok,and I cried more(I cried so hard I got sick)Then I heard my dad say Baby its ok,he is safe now hes Home...where he belongs(he hadn't called me his baby girl in years) I ran away cause I didn't want to make it worse for the family,I was dying inside and I just couldn't imagine how they were feeling.. Dad and I calmed down and said goodbye to John and them John said Ill go 4wheeling with you guys but I got some last minute things to do so well meet up..He hugged me and said Its ok Heather..I hugged him and tried very hard to stay strong for that family..But John kept telling me its ok,he knows u miss him and Love him its ok I know...John made me smile that day,and I made him smile he said that he was so happy I was home,and that I was one of the First faces he saw at the park yesterday and he was so happy I was here..I told him I wouldn't of had it any other way..

3-7-2009

The day had came I was going to have to say goodbye,to a friend,to a man who always knew how to put up with me,but love me for who I am yet today.We went to the whs school early today,More then over packed gymnasium.He would of been so proud to see everyone in one Gym for him.When the Governor came in I thought wow this is so neat,Skys probably up there saying what the HELL?LOL..But when the walked Schuyler's body up there I lost control,today was going to be worse then Thursday and I had nothing but tears in my eyes and nothing to stop them.The entire ceremony was great,it was very neat,when we got in the Funeral procession we went through town,I saw people waving flags,people with there hands over there hearts Little kids to grown adults.The whole town together one more day,R town was coming together n the time of need.Saturday was the hardest day of my life,saying goodbye to my friend,my hero,The man Id love 4-ever. Schuyler Brent Patch<3

3-9-2009Left Kewanee,Today I said my goodbyes to my family,then I went and said my goodbyes to the Patch's I still couldn't believe that I had came home for this,I still couldn't believe how hurt I was still feeling cause I wasn't ready to leave not any where close.As I took my last pictures,and said goodbyes mom took me to say hello and goodbye to my Grandpa John I lost 4 months ago,then down the street from him was Schuyler so I stopped to say goodbye,then down the street from him was Abby Dana,another friend and some one else we lost so early in life.I got in the car and told myself I wouldn't cry,they want me to move on with my life that's what I well try to do.I told my mom that there is just to many people and stops in this graveyard,and its just not fair..Guess god does things for a reason but I'm still not sure of it yet.Schuyler Patch u know I love u,always have,always well.U'll never be forgotten.
August 24,2009 Its been 6 months,I still cant believe your gone.It still seems like yesterday.I LOVE U AND I MISS U ALWAYS<3>

Life is so Random..

Grandma's problem with a Squirrel

So everyday I talk to my grandma on the phone,were very close.So the other day she tells me about this squirrel she has problems with all the time.She says that its eating her Hibiscus,she said I want to take a hold of it swing it around by its tail and I started laughing at her..She said its NOT FUNNY..Its eating my plant ..

8/23/2009 So today she tells me she put HOT pepper seeds all over the plant and in hopes the squirrel well stay away..Her father was a huge fan of squirrels so when shes yelling at it,and I'm laughing at her cause thankfully I don't have that problem,I tell her what would your dad do if you were thrown stuff or scaring the squirrel away..She said I don't care he can have the stupid things..

I love my grandma and I'm so glad I don't got this problem with my Hibiscus!

Weird weather in August...Go figure its Vegas..

So its August and its HOT in Las Vegas..Wait its been hot since March..Seriously Not lying..As I was going into work today getting in my car ready to drive to work,I felt that HEAT on me and I was like OMG well this ever stop..SERIOUSLY? Its August almost the end of August and its still so damn HOT. Today August 21,2009..103.8,doesnt really sound all that bad right? well I check my weather bug on my phone..ALERT..Heat to Extreme,please use caution,make sure your car doesn't over heat,make sure you have your ac on at home and in the car..Then I think CRAP I don't have AC in the car right now..But oh wow Its hot..The wind hot..
9 and half hours later on my way home 91 degree's,Usually its cooler but today fat chance.So I get home turn that ac down,and think about my power bill..Oh man its gonna be a expensive Power bill..Damn Vegas Heat...

There finnally comming Home

WELCOME HOME SOLDIERS

Soldiers from my home town and surrounding area's are coming home,this makes me very happy,But not all of them are coming home,my Friend and man I well always Love and Miss Sgt.Schuyler Brent Patch,who got killed in Afghanistan by a road side bomb,In February 24,2009..Seven days later from celebrating his 25th birthday,and he had a month left tell he would of came home on leave,and just two days before he was killed,him and I talked to him for hours..

But today August 20,2009 the Troops r coming home,Ryan (aka labby),Josh(aka Autry) and many other troops those are just to name a few,are headed home..They no longer have to wake up after 2 or 4 hours asleep afraid that today's mission they might not make it home,They well no longer have to sit by and watch while there fellow soldiers are being shot and killed.They no longer have to sleep on a muddy floor while we sit at home and worry about having no money there out there risking there life for what they believe in.

I wish that I could be home for this celebration but my parents and sister well go and tell them how happy I am for them to be home though I know they already know because when I talk to them while there one facebook or yahoo messenger I let them know how proud of them I am.Ive been blessed with a lot of things in my life,and friends who are soldiers are just the top! Ive known Labby for almost all are lives,and I went to school with Autry,Schuyler I knew almost all

my life as well,and it helped that he knew I had a huge crush on him,that always made it easy for him to tease me.Though I know in some ways Schuyler is coming home with them I still cant help to fall apart because I would of came home to surprise him,now Ill never have that chance,But to my friends that are left like Labby and Autry and Ebert who a few years back was in Iraq,I was so glad to have him home and I'm just as happy to have them home..Thank GOD R TROOPS R HOME,and I pray that the other ones come home soon and safe and that this war ends soon...GOD BLESS R TROOPS and there families<3

A site before work..

I was heading into another night of work,like most nights I take my route..same old route,listening to the same old music..But as I was stopped at the Red light,I saw something that really hit me hard..A man,holding a sign saying Vet..stranded and needed money,I see this everyday a man standing at some red light waiting for a hand out..Bumbs are what there use ally called.But today this Guy stood there and he was dirty,maybe had been outside in that heat for Months,or years..When I read his sign,I started to cry,A Vet..

It hit home really fast,Because my grandpa John was a vet,My friend Schuyler a vet now..So many soldiers I knew coming home,or already home,a guy I worked with a soldier..and this guy just stood there and stared at me..I cried because he was standing out in the heat,and he was begging for money,I wanted to reach out to him give him some money..I thought that I was struggling,No money..living pay check to pay check..But here he was a VET standing there asking for help.He had a do rag on his head that had the American flag on it..That made it worse I no longer felt that I was poor I had just saw a Vet standing there..I mean I have a roof over my head(apt that might cost too much),a job that might drive me crazy,a family that love's me,and a car to get me where I need to go I no longer felt needy..I felt sad for that man and if I had cash I would of gave it to him,I wouldn't care if he used it for beer,Hell if I was standing out on the street corner begging people for money Id need a few drinks too..I just drove away thinking what is this world coming to..Especially if a Vet a man who in one time or another risked his life for this country,now hes begging for money and living on a dirty street coroner in Las Vegas.

Really what is this World coming to if a Vet. can stand on the side of the road and no one stops to help him..A vet to me is special,because they give up everything for protecting what they believe in,they fight for this country and for us,and every time I see a soldier I always go and say thank you..Thank you for doing what you do,some risk there lives,some never return home,some do..There all Hero's no matter what..

Spendin a week with Winston(uncle's dog)Damn Dog..lol

Winston

So I'm babysitting or should I say Dog sitting my Uncle's dog. Winston,Winnie for short. Ive never had a house dog,I grew up with Big dogs my first 2 dogs were Chocolate lab and a half collie/half st Bernard. They both lived outside,and the one now lives outside as well,My parents have another Chocolate lab.But never ever had a inside dog and now I'm beginning to understand why.. but watching my uncles dog Winnie in my apt is different for me,Ive always wanted a dog,but I work and sleep so much of my time is always busy for a dog Id feel I wasn't showing it enough Love and I'm a huge fan of dog's so..For a week I have Winston..Hes a old dog,so hes not a lot of trouble,(Or so I thought) and is used to little attention,but the first night I was so worried that Id come home to surprise..(dog poop or pee) I was about to be stand corrected,he was gonna make me wish Id never want a dog in my House EVER....

Day One

I left him sitting on the couch when I left for work Friday,and when I came back home from a long night he was still on the couch,just where I left him but i have noticed he likes to move around a lot,noticed that when we went to bed that morning..He moved every time I fell asleep I swear..

He pees on my floor after we just went outside to go pee..see why I don't have a dog lol...At least he didn't poop that I couldn't handle..LOL ICK ..

Went to work and I came home to another pee spot on the floor that I expect hes old and hes alone for 9-10hours while I'm at work,but this time he messed up my blinds in my living room,I think he was trying to look out,and he just messed them up,and off to another night of sleep,he tosses and turns more then I do,so again no sleep.. goofy dog..

Day 2

The days have gotten easier I wake up and take him outside to do his business then its get something to eat for me,and then get ready for another night of work..I pulled up my blinds today so he don't ruin my blinds,Ive lived here 5 years and hes soiled my carpet,and breaking my blinds lol..damn dog.. well lets see what happens when I come home from work tonight.

Day 3

Went to another night of work and before I could leave he decided that he didn't want me to go or that he was going with,he tried his hardest to get out my front door.Another night of work came home,and find that he decided to mess up my curtains(because I moved my blinds up so he wouldn't ruin them anymore) and left me Poop on the floor and some pee, you would think that he would peep in the same spot but no he just goes where its the cleanest,Again Damn DOG...I get home walk through the door and he about got out,I grabbed him by his MILLIONS of hair,and picked him up so he wouldn't bite me hes known to do that...,Again DAMN DOG. I took him out to do his business what he didn't do in the apt,and left me a mess of dog food and water all over my kitchen floor..and after that was all done went and got ready for bed,hes sound asleep as soon as I'm by him,hes such a baby...damn dog...

Day 4 Its hard to leave any dog I think,and I like Winston,but after this is all over Ill be glad to have my apt back,and not have any surprises,and especially when I'm eating I wont have anyone begging for my food,Or the worse when I want to sleep,he tosses and turns or is in my leg room,whats up with that? I always just want to sleep get up get ready eat something and leave but he's so messed up my schedule...lol well of to work wonder what he well leave me tonight...hope nuttin to bad..

So I come home from another night of work,tired beyond belief and I come home to find him trying to escape out my door again .. and I find that he chewed the crap out of my blinds,well there goes my deposit for my apartment,he messed up my entire blinds,I was beyond Pissed, So I took him outside to do his business then on to my poach,so I could get the blinds looked at and then I picked up another bowl of food,he had taken it from the kitchen to where I have my kitchen table,water all over my kitchen floor and more pee and poop again..What did I ever do to deserve this Mess? When I come home I want to come home to relaxation and be able to put all the crap from work away,but for the last 4 days Ive been going nuts,I can not wait tell my uncle and his family get back from there Vacation because Ive had enough... DAMN DOG

Day 5

Woke up,went outside to do his business this time he takes forever,playing around,so when he is finally finished.We go back in and I get ready for another night of work.9 and half hours later I'm back home,hes left me Poop,and a crazy scratching dog at my legs so we go outside he does his business and we come back in,not so bad tonight because I prepared myself I pulled up my blinds all of them so he cant chew on them anymore,and since I got home he has been by my feet,I think he misses his family hes used to always someone being home,its so separation anxiety.. so tonight not mad,and hes a good dog for now.. Next two days I'm off so they should be a little better,and I'm going to attempt to give him a bath cause GOD HE NEEDS IT.. hairy dog...

Day 6

First day off and Winston and I just hung out,we went for a little walk in the morning then in the park later on when it wasn't so hot outside,I feel sad for any dog with this much hair to be outside for a long time cause WOW HOT..

Today was a ok day every time I moved he was there,by my feet,or waiting to see where I would go next,he so hates being alone...and every little noise scares him..LOL goofy dog..

Day 7

Called my Uncle today to see if he is on there way home yet,but no response I think Ive had enough dog for one week,Exhausted from him moving around in his sleep and hogging my foot room,board because when I leave him he destroys things and aggravated because hes leaving his hair everywhere on furniture and its making me nutty.. That and he always wants to be out in the heat..He pees more then I do..Ahh and the day isn't even half over yet..

Finally at 5pm today I got a call from my uncle Jim hes finally coming to get this hairy dog of his..I mean its been fun but I'm so ready to clean up all the hair and vacuum and not trip over him or have him watch me eat my food either thank GOD!! WHOOOOO!!!

7:45 pm Winnie finally got picked up,He was happy to see his family,I still am left with ruined blinds and hair on me,my couch and floor..clean up time..But all in all it was nice to have a dog around..Even if he was the hairiest dog ever...So not a bad week..Just glad its over..