Losing Someone..

Every moment someone around the world loses someone, we all know pain, we've went through the hurt, the loss of losing the one you love the most.

I had lost family members but it was there time, but..
My first huge loss was my Best Friend she got killed in a car accident , I was angry at the world, I was angry at god how could he take someone so young away from me from her family, she just had a baby boy , how could he take her out of her sons life. I didn't know it at the time but I went through the stages of grief of depression of the pain of losing my best friend.

I could yell at the world and for most part I did, I hated mostly everyone I came in contact with , because they were still breathing and she wasn't.

I was angry at god because he took someone so young, so loved and he just took her life.
But as the time went on I still questioned his move, why did he take her, why her why someone so young, But I never got the answers , he never told me why and I still to this day await that answer why take someone who had just really begun her life, her life as a mother, as a daughter as a friend. As my best friend.
 I was angry at myself because I never fixed our friendship before she was taken, I was angry because I was to stubborn , I was angry because I wouldn't get that chance again . I was angry because it wasn't me.
I yelled at god and at myself for a long time, its not that I wanted to die, but she had more to live for then I did, all I was doing was going to college she had a life to build a baby boy to raise. They needed her more.

Every moment someone loses someone weather they are old or young, and you always feel the pain the hurt, you see the pain in there eyes the loss of there love one , People say time heals your wounds, But its not true there still there, they well always be there, you cant forget what you lost, nor would you want to, You may stop crying and only shed a tear once in awhile, You may even start to smile but that doesn't mean you forgot about the one you lost. Just the opposite actually, 

The pain of losing someone is always there, The loss well always hurt, you well never forget them, they might not be your first thought everyday , But they are there, in your heart, forever..

2010 to Someday..

Wrote 6-4-2010

They told me one day I'd stop crying,Soon the tears I once shed daily , and my heart would stop breaking..Id slowly let my heart mend itself from all the pain I've been so deeply feeling.
I know now that my heart well heal but there will always be a place my heart is permanently broken,Because your not here with me.You've been taken to a place I cant see you daily,or here your voice. I can only feel the warmth of the tears that run down my face, and I wonder if your looking down on me from time to time saying It well be okay again one day...

The Rose..

As I started cleaning my basement out I came across a book and inside that book was many things I wrote down that meant something to me, in the back of that book was the rose I took from the day we put you in the ground.

That day was almost 7 years ago, 7 years ago I talked to you daily, then one day someone took that away from me.
Then the next thing I knew It was a couple weeks after I got the news that would tear a big whole in my heart, the news that you were coming home, in a box.
March ... was the month we had to say our final goodbyes , and there would never be a dry eye in the whole town.

I looked down at the rose and remembered exactly that day I took the rose and got down on my knees and cried, I got on a plane that day and they asked me if I could put it in my purse or my carry on .. I told them I just had lost my soldier so no I was gonna keep it in my hands tell I got home, back to Vegas I went.
I put it in the back of the book a couple days later so I would never lose it, I would never not have that part of you with me.
Its a rose, Im not really sure why I feel like that rose symbolizes that part of you like I took that part of you with me, back to Vegas.

Its been 7 years since I have even given that rose a thought, you on the other hand is on my mind every day every second of every single moment of my life.
When I came across that rose, I was in shock, And it was like a flood of memories of that day, that moment the moment I would never see that face again, I would never see that smile, or feel those amazing one of kind Schuyler Hugs..

There are so many things that are going on in my life that I wish I could talk to you about and I wonder where we would be if you didn't die.. If you weren't taken away.
They say it gets easier but I still miss you every day and wish you were here with me.

I love and Miss you Schuyler <3 font="">