Schuylers 2 years

So 2 years later,Sky is gone,and everyone that loves him is trying there best to move on. but as Ive noticed in the last 2 years that no matter how long someone in your life is gone.It doesn't matter because no matter what you miss them just as much as you did the day they left without a goodbye.

I still think back on that day and wonder why.But I do my best to move on with my life.

Even though 2 years have passed by nothing has really changed. He is still gone,and he is never coming back.

I still miss him all the time,I still think about him daily,and I still Love him just as much as I did when we would talk on the computer or the phone...

There were so many great qualities of Schuyler he was a great friend,he has a wonderful family who do a good job of keeping his memory alive.He gave the best hugs,and he was always there to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on.

As much as I miss him,I know I'm not by far the only one.Its amazing to me to think that Feb 22,2009 was the last time we would talk online..hell it was the last time we would talk ever again. 2 days later my friend was gone.

There is nothing like waking up to a text message or a phone call that says someone is gone.When I got that text message saying "Have you heard about Schuyler Patch?

My response "No why whats wrong?"
I remember my heart beating like it wanted to jump out of my chest.The next text message was.."He's in Heaven :( "

I couldn't believe it,I was lost words,I had just saw him on yahoo messenger just 2days ago,what do you mean I screamed but no one answered I was still alone and I wasn't in a bad dream.
I hoped that the nightmare would go away,I prayed it wasn't true.
Until I called my dad he told me "who told you" "I said that doesn't matter,is it true I cried I screamed in the phone tell me its not true."

"Daddy I screamed please tell me its a lie its a bad joke I just talked him 2 days ago...please daddy tell me its not true ." But then my dad said to me"I wish it wasn't baby but it is ,I'm sorry you found out that way,mom and I wanted to wait tell tomorrow to tell you so you wouldn't go to work like this."

It was too late,I couldn't call in,all I could do was cry..My heart ached,sadness was on my face.

I went to work that night but got sent home from my assistant executive chef.

March 5th was the day Sky came home,the day I had to really face the music..The truth was everywhere there were flags everywhere our hometown was supporting each other,we came together in a time of need.

Our Soldier was coming home

Our Hero was finally HOME ...

I love you Schuyler B.Patch

I miss you

But one day will meet again,until then my friend rest in Peace and now we will always remember our hero.

On side note Sgt.Schuyler Patch was the first vet,since Vietnam war in our home town..

Two years later..The feelings of Why,How and goodbye..

Its been two years since my world has been upside down. I lost my grandpa John, Today 2 years ago.That was hard.I was always so close with him,he was easy to get along with and a man you wouldn't cross when he was angry.He was in the Army and he was so very proud of that.


He had a heart of Gold,and a Spirt that kept him alive for 74 almost 75 years.

Its been hell for the last 2 years and this was only the beginning....

I noticed in the first year that I wasn't me,and in that first year I wasn't truly been me,im more irritated faster,I'm more impatient,and im more unhappy.

I went through a hard time over the last 2 year's and in the first year ,Depression I fell into.

I was in pain,my heart was breaking I had Lost one of the most important people in my life,someone I grew up wanting to be like because he was so Strong and Loving,He was my Grandpa,and I loved him so very much..I still do.

He spoiled me Rotten,I was his first granddaughter and first grandchild,so I was spoiled..It helped I was there alot as well. Later on after he got sick I wasn't around as much,when I moved to Las Vegas I didn't know how I could leave and not know if my grandpa would make it a year,but he made it 7more years then anyone thought possible actually he made it 13 years longer then the doctors had given him.He wanted to spend time with his wife(my grandma Betty) he wanted to watch his 16 grandchildren grow up,I believe when his time was up on that fatal day October 19,2008 he was ready to go knowing we would all take care of Grandma and he would watch from Heaven I truly believe that. Not saying that in the begging I believed any of it, I was angry with God and with the doctors how come they couldn't save him why did god not let me go say goodbye why why before he turned 75 WHY?


Death is unreal and I don't understand it.Why have birth if in the end sooner or later before your time or way after you think you should be gone why is there DEATH? a question for the ages...

I know I'll see him again ..Someday

But for now I miss him all the time,I miss his hugs,I miss him saying he loved me,I miss me sitting on his lap and him teasing me.

I even miss him taking his false teeth out and scaring me with them.But most of all Papa I MISS U and I LOVE YOU

So for now Goodbye papa I love you and Ill see you again..One day

poetry

Words are Only Words until someone puts them as a letter or a Poem or a quote..here are a few poems(that dont ryhme) and quotes I love hope you Love-Written by me


-Reactions,tears,my smile now a frown.

My past,the Present and what future?

The distance,heart broken...

"One Day"
2-11-2007
One day Im going to wake up and I'll no longer be there for you when you need me,Or when you fall.And when that time comes,I hope you realize everything you once had with me. It was true and it was real.The Love I had for you was 3 1/2 years in the making.But I won't miss you cause finnally Ill be with a man who loves me for me and always wanted me.He will be the man who wont be afraid to say I love you.A man that well call me just to say I miss you and that man well never be you,Im just realizing the truth because after 3 1/2 years what makes me think you will change..because unfortanly I know you never will..


-"I miss you next to me Holding me,Are Past is such a lie..You never Loved me"-


This is all I got for now I hope you read it and enjoy it thanks for reading and please feel free to comment!

The mirror has no answers

I look in the mirror and the girl looking back at me,isn't the girl I remember,I used to look in the mirror and see a smile on my face,and my hazel eyes lit up,now I look in the mirror and I see someone who isn't happy,I see tears in my hazel eyes,and tear drops down my face.I used to question my emotions..but everytime something on tv about military or a Grandpa I lose it all..My heart aches and I cry,I look in mirror everyday for almost 2 years since I lost 2 important people in my life and I wonder how people who lose someone so special just move on and be them again..

I don't know how to look in mirror again and be happy,I cant find the smile I once had.I pray to god and ask him why,though I never figure out the truth behind it all.One day Ill meet him and Ill try to remember all the things I wanted to ask,but for now I look in the mirror and wonder where I went..I wonder why the person staring at me has a sad face,and I wonder why my heart keeps breaking.I try to look past the heartache cause I know there are people out there with more problems then I do..But I want to look in a mirror and remember how it felt to be happy..I want to look in that mirror and know that one day I will see them again,and I really want to look in the mirror and believe that one day Ill be able smile and return to who I was.But Most of all I want to believe that everything is possible,and that girl who once looked in the mirror and loved so very much,well one day be able to look in the mirror and not have tears in her eyes or running down her cheeks,and I want to be the girl who can watch a show about Grandpa's or the military and be able to smile .Most of all I want to be the girl who walks by a soldier and thanks them,and walk by a Grandpa and say I sure do miss you papa with out shedding a tear because Ill know then they are OKAY.<3

simple Life..

I used to think life was simple..that things in life were just what made life.But then I became an adult living in a big city with Big dreams and a whole lot of learning,left to do..7 years ago I moved from a tiny town to a town that would later swallow my dreams whole.I thought Id be a small fish in this big town..I became to realize that the life I wanted was back in that small town all along.That and my dreams weren't only slowly dieing from all the stress and pain but my hopes of ever getting out of this big town before it swallows me whole.

But Ive been here 7 years Ive made good friends and of course Ive made enemies,Ive fallen in Love once out here and I know that leaving him behind well be hard at first but if it was ever meant to be it would of happened.

Ive learned alot in this life..this short time of living here Ive learned more then I ever wanted to learn.Ive learned to deal with loss of losing pretty important people in my life and Ive also learned that time doesn't always heal all wounds.

Trip to Laughlin Nevada

February 15,2010-February 18,2010..

I drove down to Lauglin,Nevada to see my Great Aunt Etta and my Grandma Betty. They were staying at the Tropicana Hotel as my Aunt lives in AZ,and my Grandma lives in IL she was visiting why the nasty IL weather disappeared.And of course I live in Nevada..

I'm very close with my family Especially Grandma Betty,and I'm close as well with my Great Aunt Etta.






I love them both very much and so glad that I have them in my life.



As I drove down there alone afraid of driving through the Mountains and afraid of the twist and turns the roads took or that I would get Lost..But I made it safe and sound.
It was beautiful the weather was great and getting to see my grams and her sister was alot of fun.Of course we gambled and well I'm not a fan of it so I like most times I have to play and so I lose my money..That I'm so NOT a fan of...lol

But I got to spend some much needed one on one with my grandma,after her sister my aunt Etta left the next day,Grams and I slept in and then we walked to the mall that was only next store to our hotel. we now have a yearly tradition,we go to the mall and go inside the photo shoot box and take 4 pictures of us together,one normal and the rest hilarious pictures they sure do make us laugh!

last year when grams and I went to Laughlin Nevada it felt like we had went there to hide away from all the pain we were going through at least that's what it felt like me..But this year was different we were just down there to enjoy that we got Free Rooms and got to spend the much needed and well spent quality time together..

The next day would be different we would sleep in and gamble and then go sit down in the hot tub,,I was ready to go all day but My grandma's Neighbor was there,lets not begin with this story! LOL






But as the day went on I didn't share her much,and as you can probably tell I'm not a fan of sharing my Grandma..Don't know if that's her fault from me being the spoiled kid that she took care of while my parents worked or because I am the oldest grand kid.. either way I blame her and my Papa John !
;)
Once upon a time she and grandpa got me this sweatshirt that said Spoiled brat,and I never agreed,but somewhere in the back of my heart I know I am and hey its my right I was first born and first granddaughter,maybe its hard for me to share the people close to me but I know how to share clothes or food or friends..I just don't like sharing my Grams :) but I know I have too sometimes lol!
especially if its with Aunt Etta I can do that :)


All in all the trip was defiantly not long enough,but it was tons of fun I love my family and I thank god everyday I got them in my life..
I cant wait tell we do it again soon!
As we left that day,I didnt want to return to normal I wanted to stay on my Mini vacation for a bit longer but getting to spend the time with my family was what I really needed!

My sisters Big 18

ANDREA LEE
HAPPY 18TH BDAY
BABY SISTER
I LOVE YOU!!<3
Today 18 years ago I with rest of my family welcomed Andrea Lee to this world..April 7,1992 I cant believe where the time has possibly gone..



I was 9 and half at the time and had been a only child up until this day..




I was so excited for a sister I mean come on I had been an only child for 9 1/2 years,so this was gonna be fun and hard. I had my parents attention and alot would call me spoiled but I wouldn't ;)



I realized after awhile it was ok to have someone else have mom and dad's attention,and I knew from the moment she was born I would for the rest of my life protect her and guide her with whatever she needed me for.
So today is her 18th birthday and I'm not there to celebrate the big 18 with her,But I do remember 18 years ago how happy I was to hold her for the first time,shes been the best baby sister ever.We have fought,we have cried together,we have shared long lasting sister stories,and we have shared all the love that two sisters who might be living MILES away,or might have 9 and half years difference..
But we are as close as 2 twins are..I love my baby sister and even though I'm not there shes knows I love her.She knows that I want the very best for her..Shes gonna be graduating soon from high school ,and she well go on to College and then start her very own career as a photographer,and as the years goes on no matter what happens she well always be my baby sister and I well never let her down or let her fall..For you Andrea Lee are my baby sister and I well always be your big sister nothing and no one well ever come in between us..



Over the years Andrea has become more to me then just a sister,more then just a friend shes been my Best Friend,I never thought 18 years ago that 2 kids who were so far apart in age would be come this close but I was wrong,We have a bond alot of sisters have but I think ours is stronger because we are so far a part in age.
But anyways Andrea even though Ive been there for alot of bdays and this One is pretty special I just wish I was there..
You are and have always been my baby sister,and no matter if im 100 and ur 91 Ill still be calling you baby sister ;)

Thank you for comming in to my life 18 years ago cause I have IDEA where I would be right now if it isnt for the Love and BIG heart you have.. I LOVE YOU
So baby sister I love you and I hope you the best bday ever,and so so many more to come!!



















*Love, your Big Sis Heather*