2019 started off single.. and ended in heartbreak

-This year , I started off Single... More often then not this is always a safe bet .. lol

Then unexpectedly a relationship came into play, one I never saw coming, one I never would have guessed ,Their right when they say it comes out of the Blue.. 

Shawn and His Boys

For the first time in 8 years , I was in a relationship, and it was Simple.. It was Easy.. Nothing I had ever felt before , nothing I was used to that was for sure ..

Fishing Just us.. I may not fish,But I just wanted to be there,with him..

Sure after almost 11 years of locking up my heart , and just doing what I had to survive.. relationships werent on my list of things I needed in my life .. I put other things first .. and put what was left of my heart .. under lock and key.. 

When this relationship kept growing day by day I started to let my guard down, and I got to open myself up a little more then I had .. With anyone in years.. I started getting compliments on how much I was smiling, how I seemed to Glow..

We went Fishing two days in a row, Day Date , all I said I wanted was him, and  a picture

I never thought,because I had already made myself happy , that someone could make me even happier .. But hook line and Sinker I fell for him.. 

I look back now and I question why I let myself get caught up in it.. why I started letting him in, why I started to let my guard down.. but I don’t have those answers .. I waited for years to be as Happy as I was with him.. Us together, made sense, even if it was something we never planned,Just like that life brought us together.. I don’t regret it, the time with him, the time with his boys.. because I was all in, I never wanted to lose that .. But Then like a cloud of smoke it was over , and my heart was broken and I never want to feel that again ..

It seems funny to say, that after just a short time together you get your heartbroken especially at the age of 35. But it was the truth when he ended things, Nothing made sense again, I was back to single life a life I had known so well before. But without him, I didn't understand it, My heart hurt, I was so used to talking to him all day long, I was used to seeing his face, and like that ,after that morning it all ended.

To me , It broke me, and took me months to heal me. I wanted to keep him in my life, I wanted him to know that I wasnt going anywhere and I meant that. I hated not being a part of things, I missed him and his boys so much that I had to completely drown myself in my tears,In my sorrow. Ill never completely be able to ask him why he ended things the way he did, or why he ended them at all. Because Im afraid of the words, But I've managed to keep him in my life, and like his sister Once told me, He better not fuck this up, by that I knew she meant me and him our families being so close for so long, that it wasnt something anyone wanted to see go bad. It was such a shock of us together in the first place that no one wanted to see it end bad.

We Baked Sugar Cookies and made Frosting, a recipe he wanted to try and so we did <3 td="">

I remember when he told me he was going to tell his family, and that his dad already knew, and he was thrilled about it. His dad always loved me, and I always loved him,.

out at hook Boys playing with Sticks (hilarious)

He told his sister and her husband, and out of what I thought would be the hardest one to be happy about it Rachel was happy about it she said it reminded her of her and her husband , friends of the family and all enjoying the same things, It was a shock to me as her and I used to be pretty close friends when we were kids, the fact that i was dating her brother didnt bother her a bit and that made my heart happy!.

Michael trying to spin Shawn around and around 

It seemed with both my family and his all on bored seemed like there was nothing left to hurdle over, But there would always be his Ex Wife, she never really bothered me she would come into his home, to see her boys and not bat a eye or a wave hello to me, It never took any skin off my teeth, but it bothered Shawn that she was that way, But I swept it under the rug, she was the boys mom, and she might not have had Shawn anymore, but she gave him two Boys and that nothing anyone can take from her, and I couldn't compete with that if I wanted to.

a date night at Fernandos with our HUGE Margaritas

I had really convinced myself that a life with him and those boys, that was the life I was now meant to have, and maybe in time that dream would be come a reality, But the heartbreak, I cant go through again, I think at first he didn't understand that he hurt me,because I did my damndest to not show sign of weakness, of pain or let the sorrow and tears come out .. Not around him.

Sister and I and Shawn's Cousin Drew and his Gf Emily

 I remember seeing his dad at the galva back roads and Shawn was there with another girl, and my heart sank, his family surrounded me, Kelly and his gf Michelle Hugged me tight, and Shawn's cousins stood by me and my sister as we watched everyone perform, when I hugged Kelly he had that sad look on his face he knew I was broken and I was holding it in.. So he hugged me a little tighter and when I turned around Shawn was there waiting for me to walk into his, I remember the tightness in my chest, But like any time before when my heart has been broken (it has been broken since my best friend Abby died, and shattered when my grandpa passed, and it was torn apart when Schuyler Died,so I knew nothing but heartbreak)

As I walked into his arms and he held me I felt good in his arms, then I looked up to see the lady that was with him, I felt sick, and ready for another drink I was determined to have a good time, as the night went on I would look around the crowd and catch his eyes on me, and we would just look and I would turn back, I found out the next day that he ended things with that lady that morning and he would later tell me the story, As if I wanted to hear it, But the fact that he had such a horrible time made up for my heart hurting that night, didn't matter though I had wished that I had been there with him, and well most likely never be that way again , but a girl still has hope for something that was so Easy, So good , cant possibly be the End forever can it? Because unlike him I cant just be Friends..

Few months later I gave him a picture frame I had made for him , For Fathers day (even though we weren't together)For him and the Boys, It was a bunch of pictures,Pictures of him and his boys, Pictures of him and I, Our Memories.. in one picture frame, two sides , when he opened it I saw his Blue eyes, and I know he appreciated it, I know he loved it, so the next time I was there he showed me where he put it, and I felt a piece of my heart mend.. and then it whispered Man I miss that Man..
I never got the chance to fall in love with him, But I fell very much in Like with him, and I fell for his boys just as hard, It was something I didn't know I wanted , and at the same time everything I ever wanted.

one Side, one he keeps up

the second side,thats hidden


There was such a heartbreak here, that I couldn't go through it again, But if he asked me back, I wouldn't hesitate. Its a life I never thought I would have , and a life I never saw coming, But a life I want back.. A life I loved.

Death leaves a heartache you cant seem to understand, People we love go on like it was just meant to happen. We've all had our fair shares of Death, and alot of us hear, You well make it through one day it wont be so bad, Some ways its true you Move on with your life, Life happens, but you never fully recover,from the pain.. I've learned that the pain of that someones death is always there, your tears well lessen, you will even start to say there name less, You will slowly forget things about them,that you couldn't fathom having forgotten when they passed. I've learned over the past 15 years, that I dont forget. I've had a heck of time , lately the deaths that have surrounded me, losing ones I've known my whole life. When a friend of our family died, Tami.. we all knew she wouldn't be around forever, but her smile, her laugh, he attitude .. it made us love her more, when I found out she died I had different emotions, a part of me felt she was finally at piece and with her Mom, the other part of me knew I would miss fighting with her, and her telling me to always be have, like that would happened for either one of us.. lol , Ill forever love the fact that I had a lady like that in my life, and ill always remember her.
But over the past 15 years I've dealt with some of the hardest deaths, Losing Abhy, who was my childhood best friend was on my top ,Our relationship was tested many times growing up, we were too complete opposites,but she loved me and excepted me anyway, her mom and mine were best friends, and at the time of her death we didn't  have the best friendship, I've never been able to forgive myself for that. I wish I could have been the bigger person, I've always prided myself on being the bigger person, probably why I am so very up front about everything now, She got killed in a car accident and not a day goes by that I don't wish I there, maybe I wouldn't have been able to stop her, maybe it wouldn't have made a difference,But I wish I was there,even if it was just to fight with her about leaving, or fight about whatever that came to mind at that moment. Ive never sat back and wondered what if I was there,what if it I had been there to say Ab's lets just stay, or let me drive, What if she never went to that party that night, what if she grew up like she said she did, and was done with the partying , but lets be honest we were teenagers, just starting that part of our lives, So many what ifs, so many questions you cant get answered. The pain of losing your best friend, never getting to fix things , all the pain you put on yourself, As if the pain of losing them wasnt bad enough, if there's bad blood,then you feel guilty for the rest of your life, with Abby and I our friendship was strained, but there isn't a moment when I wish I could hear from her and know she forgave me and there's nothing to be upset about or nothing to forgive. I wish we could sit down and chat one last time if that's all we had left.
Death is always talked about, We all feel that kind of pain, a pain for each of us, Its different for us all of us have a different type of pain when dealing with Death especially. I wish I could say it wasnt what we had to deal with in our lives, I wish I could say that death just walks out the door the moment it happens,Hell I would even like to say it doesn't happen, But death leaves a heartache we don't understand, It leaves us wondering so many whys... so much pain, some of us deal with it some of us don't deal at all.
In our own ways we all deal with the hurt,the loss.. the pain.. Death well always be a factor in our lives, and some impact our lives,more then others.
When I lost my best Friend , I lost the first part of my heart,she held me up when I was down,she was there through my childhood,she fought with me,and for me,she was there no matter what and Loved me no matter what, You don't always find people in your life like that, there very few and far between, and losing her I lost a piece of myself , Years later my Grandpa John Died and even though I knew it would come a time I would have to say goodbye to him, I still felt broken, no one to turn to and I didnt want to lean on my family who was already going through it, I turned to Schuyler and he turned my frowns into smiles,and let me talk,as he listened ,Life started to turn around even though I was lost ,and my tears streamed down my face,Schuler was over sea's fighting for our Country,and still from Miles away that man became my support system I didn't know I needed. Shortly after his 25th bday which he celebrated in Afghanistan I got a text message just like years before with my best friend Abby,My heart would drop,and I would lose my support system,I would lose that part of me Forever,I would lose the man I was starting to build a life with, a man who made me smile no matter what. The only man who got me through .. Its been almost 11 years without that support system, My world has never went back to being the same, I lost the only one I saw myself with,I didn't give up ,but I live a different life now, because of death, it has changed me, Sure there are people who are a lot worse off then me, but my truths, my pain, My heartbreak.. All real.. Death leaves a heartache that NO ONE can fix..No one well ever understand.

Happiness


For the past two months, I've had this uncontrollable Happiness written on my face,Its funny to say it,because now its gone, and I don't understand,the pain is familiar but new, I've been hurt before, I've been sad for longer then I can really remember so the happiness was something I was understanding something new, Now he says he needs space for himself. I feel left out and not sure where to put my pain, I feel sick, my heart is breaking, I don't know how Im suppose to feel but I know I feel like I shouldn't be hurting, I feel like I don't know how to live my life, I've built myself a life I understood single, then things changed,and I got used to being his, having him there, listening to his voice made my heart melt, goosebumps when he touched me, I started letting him in, and giving away a piece of me, that I haven't done in years.

I don't know how to give him time, When we started, I kept telling myself don't let him in, don't let him be something too much, don't let him take away a smile if he ends up hurting you, You learned to Love yourself, let him learn to know you this you. I feel sorry for him because the girl he knew back in the day isn't the same girl I am now, when he knew me as a kid, I never expected we would be something more then childhood friends, he didn't either. That's what made our relationship so easy,because we did know about each other, and we were getting to know each other now as a adults.

Now I'm not sure where to put this amount of pain, Im dealing with,, I don't know how Im suppose to just not talk to him ,when I spent the past 2 months talking to him all day long. I don't know how Im not suppose to hurt, how am I suppose to understand any of this, I just cant.

The first thing I want to do in the morning is text him and know i'm thinking of him, and then get one back makes me think hes thinking of me too.. I told him I wasnt going anywhere and I pray he believes me when I say it,because I really don't want to, I know he needs his space, but that is the part that's killing me.
For the first month we had a hell of a time being apart for more then 24 hours some days we couldn't even make it 6 hours without missing each other, then when he returned back to work, I had to deal with waiting tell 5 o'clock to see him, we both could tell we missed each other a lot, so that's why this time apart was getting to me, is getting to me because its barely started and I hate it, I want to see his face, i want him to hold me, All I want is to kiss and hug him, know that as much as i want all of that his hand in mind knowing he's there, knowing I'm not going anywhere...I just want HIM.. I don't want to figure out this life without him in it.. I don't want to go back to all that loneliness of living my life alone, living but not truly living..
I wish I had the answers, I wish I understood the pain, a little clearer, I know it was fast I know, our relationship went fast, but it was easy, It was fun, it was simple just being with him, talking to him for hours on the phone, sitting on the couch talking or just listening to him breathe or snore, I miss all of that,because I don't want to go back to nothing,.

I did the single thing for over 8 years, and I was honest about not knowing if I could handle the relationship thing,but it was easy with him,My heart wasnt scared,I wasnt afraid, even though I kept telling myself you need to slow down,you need to let it all sink in first. Now I'm hurting, more then I should be, he let me in,he let me into his home, his boys lives, into his ,into his bed, his family. My family,my home, my bed.. My life isnt the same without him in it.I want him to understand I'm not going anywhere but I want him to know I want him back, what we had .. I don't want to do this life alone not anymore I found what I feel is whats best for me, I don't want to feel like I'm meant to be alone forever.. Even though this is what I'm feeling right now and that's that i'm destined to be alone forever.. I hate that feeling.
The saddest over welms me, and I break, I talk to him but its not the same, I miss him.
We have had lunch twice, and it never seems to make me feel any better, I miss him so much,I want the life we started, But I'm trying to be patient and god knows i'm not, I miss him, His boys, the life, his family.. The smile on his face, the smile on mine.. I miss all of that and I hate it.
I go to Hook, and I wish he would show up, I dream of the things we talked about, and wonder if ill ever get that back.
I want that happiness back, I want him back .. good or bad I want him.

I'm so tired of thinking that I don't deserve happiness,. and all i ever really deserve is loneliness and sadness.
But its the way I've been feeling for months..
I miss that smile on my face when I got a text from him, or a random call, I miss hearing his Smile on the other end of the phone.
I never thought I would feel this way, I got too used to being single, he changed that and then broke that tiny part of my heart that was left.. I'm so tired of feeling like sadness is all I deserve.

Don't I deserve to be happy ? Don't I deserve to be with the man who made me smile so big my face stopped hurting when I smiled that much,? Dont I deserve happiness or is not in my cards for Happiness was I right all along.. Am I always gonna feel this way?
I want it all to end, everything he needs I need him to figure it out, so he can get back to Happy... To me..

February

                                                                   -February-



This month for the past 10 Years, has been a heartache, February 22,2009 Schuyler and I had a late night chat, well late for me morning for him, I was at work and we had talked all day,every chance I got.. February 24,2009 I woke up to a text message I never wanted.. Asking me if I heard, Asking me if I knew... I still lived In Vegas,my life had already been thrown off course in October and Schuyler was the only one I talked to about how I felt losing my grandpa we talked about all the ones we had lost, how heartache is always with you.We talked about it all he was the best when it came to listening. He made me smile when I felt like all I could do was frown.. He gave the best hugs..

This month 10 Years.. How is it that even possible , one minute he was turning 25 and we were joking about how old we were. The next hes gone, Its still so hard to come to the conclusion that he wont walk through the front door, or he wont call me and say Heather I love you.
I cherish the moments I had with him,because life without him now is so different.

I used to think if he saw me now he wouldn't recognize me. Maybe he wouldn't , I've changed alot, but in alot of ways not at all..

With this month slowly coming to a close, I get closer to the day he would be 35, February 17...
Its funny because after I left vegas, i met a great family , two brothers both born in february.. I asked there bdays and was in relief when neither told me theres was the 17th or the 24th..
They remind me alot of Schuyler, they both have a trait I always saw in him, and they were and are former ladies men..

I laugh sometimes when they do something that makes me think of You Schuyler because you would probably get a kick out of them too, and then question why I ever liked you lol.. No just kidding but they do try to get me to smile weather its cause I need it or cause they just aggravated me enough to make me want to punch them lol,I try to always keep a piece of you with me, and I well until I say my last word and meet you at the gates..
So today's one of there birthdays ,(Feb. 16) he is a busy man, But he does make my heart race..He smiles and it seems as if for a moment everything washes away. Hes the single one, and a ladies man, for sure, But like a fool I cant help but fall.. I haven't given my heart away ,not sure I ever well again,I've been on enough roller coasters called Love that , Being single has stayed at 1st Place.Not even sure I would know how to be in a relationship these days,. Him and I are friends and I feel as bad as I want more, it well Never happened , I do my own thing and see him when we can, I know my clock is ticking and Im 35 now (you shhh u r right behind me lol) I can't say I don't want a husband and a kid ,because that would be a lie, I want it more then i've ever did. But it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. Part of me is okay with that,the other not so much.



In a way I feel meeting them, was a destiny I was meant for. Sure they both drive me crazy,and a times my hair wants to get pulled out. But when you died, I lost a piece of me that I'm sure I could never fix or find again. Then I got to know them, and a piece of me that I thought left with you, came back. I wish you were here.. Everyday... But wishing it doesn't make it come true. I love you and every year when this month comes around I honestly hate it , I wish it would all just go away.. But times moved fast enough, I'll never get another Bear Hug, I'll never get to see that Smile that could brighten up the worst of day, I'll never get a unexpected call , and I'll never get to hear you say I love you Heather again..
Don't you ever think,for any second that I'm not wondering what your doing up there, And Don't think I dont miss u every second of every day. I wish you were here more then I could possibly explain,Just don't forget me,because when I'm at my lowest I need you to wrap your wings around me and tell me your here. What I wouldn't do to be with you one more time to tell you one more time how much I love you,how much I miss you..
I go on with my life, just like you would tell me to do, I know your safe,I know your protected,I know your Whole..

        There was Never a LOVE more then the one I had with you,because you were my friend first,My biggest Crush and my deepest Love.



-Time doesn't heal the wounds, It only makes the tears lessen..-



10 Years have come, and soon it well be More..But my memories of you , well probably fade in time,But My heart has you in it forever.. I may say your name less and Less.. But I love you always..



-To the Man who I had the BIGGEST Crush on, to My Friend who loved me anyways.. To the man with the Best Hugs, the Ladies man...There well never be Another You.. forever My heart <3 p="">


-Time well tell all the truths,all the fears,Time is just time fading away..Love is whats Forever..

Happy 60th to this Amazing woman We Call MOM

                                 Happy Birthday Mom!

   You've said it a time or two before you never expected to make it past 30, But today your 60, Sure you've had a heck of a life, had ups and downs,and all in between you say that sister and I are your accomplishments and that you hope we are better then you, But what is better then a mom who would do absolutely anything for anyone, talk to anyone in a line at the store, or someone on the street just because for a second they might need someone to chat with, or literally stop someone from screaming like a Idiot at there child who just needs to be talked to like a normal person, or giving your shirt off your back because they needed it. That woman is you,I've seen you walk in and talk to anyone,I've seen you stop a yelling fight of a Parent and a child and tell that parent to talk to them like there a human being,I've seen you help your dad, and father in law when they needed picked up because they fell. Your beyond selfless..

There are so many accomplishments that I've lucky to have seen, You've been an amazing woman , and a roll model that sometimes I personally think you dont give yourself any credit for. You made a hard choice when you married dad, had a to carry a lot the day you said I do, he came with what Ill call baggage, But you picked it up and ran with it.You made a beautiful family with what you had to work with,and I thank god everyday that dad chased you until you gave in lol..

Having you as a mom hasnt lets be honest..easy, You knew everything,and when I wasnt fighting with you, I was in the back of my mind always saying I hope that One day I get to be the mom and the woman she is.

You don't let any one knock you down,You fight for what you want and what you have ,no matter how many times Im sure youve wanted to knock people down and out, you didn't. You could but you didn't.

Strong as Nails,Tougher then She looks,Smarter then she gives herself credit for,More beautiful then she knows,and the most Honest woman you'll ever want to encounter..So so much more..

Shes Ma to her friends But to Sister and I shes Mom. shes are toughest critic, are go to,Our Friend,our shopping partner,are shoulder to cry on, OUR MOM.

This Picture here explains my mom in more ways then just by drinking a Old Milwaukee, this is proof that she is her Fathers child.. 

She would say He taught me right ;-)

 

There are a tons of things I can say ,But today I want you to know your not Only special on your birthday your special everyday and Sister and I are lucky to call you mom, and dad is lucky to call you wife. Happy 60th mom I love you to the Moon and back..

To my Forever Friend.. not a Day goes by..

I thought of you today, but really that's never anything new, I saw a picture of you today, on facebook and I got tears in my eyes, Its amazing how long you've been gone I still half expect you to walk through your moms kitchen from your downstairs room, and ask me what we were gonna do today, we said we would make memories as Adults as we did as kids, now Im here and your not, my Heart breaks when I think that we don't get to have that, We said we would raise our kids together like our Moms did, but you started early and its all we have let of you, how is that right? because it doesn't feel right to me. I wish I could call you when I need you, Instead I talk to myself and wonder if your listening, I go to your grave sometimes, and wonder if you watch and listen as I talk, I don't feel you there though, I would go to our hill but too many people would wonder what I was doing, and crying on the side of the road doesn't seem right either, I know your in heaven , I know your with Katie Woods and Schuyler Patch and Uncle Dipes, and so much more ... But its not right, Nothing about your death has ever been right... You are suppose to be here , not me screaming thinking why you got in the car that night, why you drove, and then screaming saying were not INVISIBLE no matter how many times we did that, No matter how many times we knew it wasnt right, I get that pain in my heart alot, I wonder why I have to lose so much,
 I've lost too much.. 
Im sure your saying stop crying, Im in a better place, were still friends and I know you miss me. 
But Ill Never forgive myself for not healing our Friendship before you left this earth. 

The World is getting crazier, people shooting eachother, crazy storms, Kids bullying eachother so much they kill themselves or Others.. 

15 Year Reunion is coming up , Im not taking the night off, It wont be the same without you, Its been 14 years for you, how is that even possible. Your son is in High School and he hasn't had the easiest life, but he has many people that love him, he just doesn't get the love of his mom.. You should be here. God took one of the best when he took you..

That night haunts me, I wish I was there to stop you from getting in that car, I wish that you didn't have to go through that pain, it was instant i hope, and you felt nothing I'm sure Uncle Dipes was there to greet you as you walked through heavens Gate.. and if I know you at all , you were saying how did I get here, all the wrong all the bad I did how am I here.. But as much as you raised Hell, picked fights, won and lost fights, you were still the girl god wanted to let into his Kingdom im sure of it..
I still wish I could have been there to hold your hand, tell you everything was going to be Okay.. Most Importantly I wish I was there to say I'm sorry... I'm sorry for the years of friendship we never made up, Im sorry for not being that bigger person and saying .. JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME,,.. I would have told you the truth even though I knew you already knew it..I know deep down we both knew the truth, But it was Highschool we had changed , in so many ways, but I know deep down you always knew the truth, at least that's what I tell myself.. because anything else, just hurts..

There well NEVER be a day in my life where I don't miss my best friend, Wish you were here with me, so much has happened, so much i want to share with you. I miss you Ab's .. Keep trucking on in Heaven.. My forever Friend I love and Miss you dearly..
Until its my time..Ill keep missing you and remembering all my memories I have of our Unique crazy friendship .. I hope when its my time you greet me at heavens gate Until then,..

To My Class of 2003..

15 Years...

               

                A look back.. Do you ever wonder what happened to those people who were by your side for 4 years, walked the same halls, studied in the same class rooms, talked to eachother in the hall ways, played sports or even partied with them..

I got my 15 year Class Reunion paper in the mail, I had a feeling it would show up sooner or later, We never had a 5 year would have been a drunk fest anyways lets be honest. Or a 10 year .. But after it all they decided 15 years why not come back to the halls you once walked, see the faces of the People "You used to know" and tell them about your life Now.

I thought long and hard and came to the conclusion that Nahhh no thanks. Im 34 now, seeing the People I used to know, see if they turned into bigger Idiots,Snobs or just deal with people I just dont want to. The ones I see the ones who have been by my side for almost 20 years like Ashley DeRycke (Coontz), Casandra Pegram (Swearingen) Kim Heene (Currier) .

Sure have I lost touch with ones I wish I never did, would seeing my best guy friend (back then ) Ben Smith be different after all these years, would meeting his wife be better then being just a memory I look back on? would getting to See Andy Ebert and finally meeting his wife be nice, all the above yes, Some friendships are ment to last the toughest of times, some fall through the Cracks, some just dont last.


I Never look back and wonder if my life now, is what I wanted 15 years ago when I was hugging my friends goodbye and hoping and praying all I can do was pack up and leave.
Do I want the Husband.. The kids.. Of Course but am I going to be looked at different now, going there and seeing people who Judged me then Judge me NOW no Way..They Never got to put me down then and Years later I can look at alot of them and say I'm better then you ever thought possible.

I've dealt with more pain , over the past 15 years,then those people I used to walk the hallways with, I'm not that Girl anymore, Sure would I like to show them that.. Girl
That Short hair, sport playing,Tough Girl,who never thought she would go to College ..Did that and More..
-I Moved away
- I Graduated College ..Culinary Arts
- I had my own apt (2)
- Moved back to Illinois
- Moved into my house that I well own sooner rather then later
I may not have the Fancy House, the Husband or the kids but I'm still Me for all that I have done and accomplished I can say that with ease.

15 Years..
In the past 15 years I can sit here, look back and say My best friend has been gone for 14, her son is in Highschool now, she should be here celebrating our 15 years especially since she worked so hard to graduate, to move on with her life after those Halls..But a tragic accident happened, and I no longer get to share those moments with her, Live the life we always said we would have,, Still be her Best Friend..

Abby Dana was our Classmate, she was taken way To soon,.. I hate to look at us now and wonder who else is gone so Soon..

15 Years ago we all sat in the auditorium, laughing at our friends around us, Not listening to anything we were suppose to be doing, wondering when that Bell would Ring so we could get on with it.. So we could sit in our Senior Assembly ..:Listen to the jokes they would tell the songs that would play, and watch the video of our Incredible 4 Years ..Watch as the Picture slide would go by, and cry as we said our goodbyes to the ones we knew would never see again. Hug the ones were sure would always be by our side always, make promises to stay friends no matter where we went from there,Say our Final Goodbyes.. and our Last I love you's to the best friends you had for the past 4 Years, and wonder if anything would ever change..

As I sit here and Ponder 15 YEARS  has went by, I think wow where did that time go, the other part of me says, Maybe Ill go after work if anyone is still around, the other part of me says not much has changed,, those people you haven't hung out with, the ones you said you would never not be friends with well there all still there where I left them, They all have there Own lives now, and Hopefully for the past 15 Years they have done some Growing up..

So to My Fellow Classmates of 2003 (I haven't said that in awhile lol)

Happy 15 Years

We can Happily and Proudly say 15 Years later,where here Cheers !