Life After

My life after.. The other day i had someone ask me , why I haven't wrote about my life after all the heart ache I shared ,my response was not sure.Everyone has heart break,mine isnt special,it didnt hurt any less then anyone else's who's lost love ones,I just knew sharing it with people close to me,writting some how helped me cope. 
When i thought about it i didn't have a answer, so I started thinking of it my life after losing two of the most important men in my life.

When My papa John passed away,there was no bigger heartache I thought losing him was gonna make me fall apart,make my world around me seem invisible, and in ways it did,I remember getting the call of him being sick i remember the phone conversation we had, and i remember this unbelievable pain i was in that I wasn't there for my family, and then i remember my dad calling me with the news that would tear a huge whole in my heart forever i remember that day,I remember booking my flight,i remember trying everything i could think of to make myself feel better,I remember getting on my plane with my uncles and then that rest of the week a blank.. All i remember is being there for my mom and the rest of the family,i would grieve away from them,not around them so they wouldn't worry.. i remember returning to my home in Vegas,and feeling like my life was a mess and so i started leaning on my friend Schuyler he told me I would be okay,that he was there for me and i remember him and talking non stop about everything,he was there for me even if he was stationed over seas.. he was the one that made me smile when no one else could,then just four months later he was taken from me.. for a year i tried dealing with all the heart break,I'm not afraid to say it now but with working graveyard, and trying to keep my head on straight I would come home drink, sleep and that was all my life consisted of. I was in what they would call depression I didn't do much,I drank and sometimes ate and slept..I would cry for hours on end,I would break down for no apparent reasons,it was just because that's how i dealt with it.. when I finally pulled myself out of depression there was no way i was going back,
My Life after .. I've done everything I could to make them proud ,to stop crying as much, to get out and Live My Life.. Here I am 6 years later ... The pain of losing someone never truly goes away,but even if you cant believe it, Time goes on, your heart hurts a little less,you cry a little less.. you laugh more and begin to go back to the time before you felt all that pain.. Maybe one day you'll be normal again but i ask myself what is normal? Who cares what normal is as long as your happy,with yourself,your life and what you chose to live for.. So my life after , I know there well be more tragedy and more heart break in my life,as I get older i realize more and more people slowly disappearing from it. But the ones you love the ones you lost you well never truly lose..

So here I am 6 years later I' moved four times, But now I'm home, surrounded by family and friends. So My Life after has only just begun..