February

                                                                   -February-



This month for the past 10 Years, has been a heartache, February 22,2009 Schuyler and I had a late night chat, well late for me morning for him, I was at work and we had talked all day,every chance I got.. February 24,2009 I woke up to a text message I never wanted.. Asking me if I heard, Asking me if I knew... I still lived In Vegas,my life had already been thrown off course in October and Schuyler was the only one I talked to about how I felt losing my grandpa we talked about all the ones we had lost, how heartache is always with you.We talked about it all he was the best when it came to listening. He made me smile when I felt like all I could do was frown.. He gave the best hugs..

This month 10 Years.. How is it that even possible , one minute he was turning 25 and we were joking about how old we were. The next hes gone, Its still so hard to come to the conclusion that he wont walk through the front door, or he wont call me and say Heather I love you.
I cherish the moments I had with him,because life without him now is so different.

I used to think if he saw me now he wouldn't recognize me. Maybe he wouldn't , I've changed alot, but in alot of ways not at all..

With this month slowly coming to a close, I get closer to the day he would be 35, February 17...
Its funny because after I left vegas, i met a great family , two brothers both born in february.. I asked there bdays and was in relief when neither told me theres was the 17th or the 24th..
They remind me alot of Schuyler, they both have a trait I always saw in him, and they were and are former ladies men..

I laugh sometimes when they do something that makes me think of You Schuyler because you would probably get a kick out of them too, and then question why I ever liked you lol.. No just kidding but they do try to get me to smile weather its cause I need it or cause they just aggravated me enough to make me want to punch them lol,I try to always keep a piece of you with me, and I well until I say my last word and meet you at the gates..
So today's one of there birthdays ,(Feb. 16) he is a busy man, But he does make my heart race..He smiles and it seems as if for a moment everything washes away. Hes the single one, and a ladies man, for sure, But like a fool I cant help but fall.. I haven't given my heart away ,not sure I ever well again,I've been on enough roller coasters called Love that , Being single has stayed at 1st Place.Not even sure I would know how to be in a relationship these days,. Him and I are friends and I feel as bad as I want more, it well Never happened , I do my own thing and see him when we can, I know my clock is ticking and Im 35 now (you shhh u r right behind me lol) I can't say I don't want a husband and a kid ,because that would be a lie, I want it more then i've ever did. But it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. Part of me is okay with that,the other not so much.



In a way I feel meeting them, was a destiny I was meant for. Sure they both drive me crazy,and a times my hair wants to get pulled out. But when you died, I lost a piece of me that I'm sure I could never fix or find again. Then I got to know them, and a piece of me that I thought left with you, came back. I wish you were here.. Everyday... But wishing it doesn't make it come true. I love you and every year when this month comes around I honestly hate it , I wish it would all just go away.. But times moved fast enough, I'll never get another Bear Hug, I'll never get to see that Smile that could brighten up the worst of day, I'll never get a unexpected call , and I'll never get to hear you say I love you Heather again..
Don't you ever think,for any second that I'm not wondering what your doing up there, And Don't think I dont miss u every second of every day. I wish you were here more then I could possibly explain,Just don't forget me,because when I'm at my lowest I need you to wrap your wings around me and tell me your here. What I wouldn't do to be with you one more time to tell you one more time how much I love you,how much I miss you..
I go on with my life, just like you would tell me to do, I know your safe,I know your protected,I know your Whole..

        There was Never a LOVE more then the one I had with you,because you were my friend first,My biggest Crush and my deepest Love.



-Time doesn't heal the wounds, It only makes the tears lessen..-



10 Years have come, and soon it well be More..But my memories of you , well probably fade in time,But My heart has you in it forever.. I may say your name less and Less.. But I love you always..



-To the Man who I had the BIGGEST Crush on, to My Friend who loved me anyways.. To the man with the Best Hugs, the Ladies man...There well never be Another You.. forever My heart <3 p="">


-Time well tell all the truths,all the fears,Time is just time fading away..Love is whats Forever..