How Could I want More...?

How could I want more?

About 11 years ago,I went and saw him at his job,never expecting it would be the last time I would get a pic with him, Last time my heart would jump out of my chest because of one little touch.
Eleven Years ago, I looked into the eyes of the Man that I had crushed on, the man that would take my breath away by a single look. A single smile.
How could I want more?
There were so many obstacles but we always learned to over come them. We had miles in between us but that never seem to stop us, We had past's and that didn't stop us either.
How could I want More?

But almost 11 years ago I want all of that back..I want more..

He got taken away from me, he was a American Soldier in Afghanistan and a road side bomb took his life.
The people that placed that bomb not only took him away from me(and everyone else that loved him) but they took a part of me away as well. I never wanted more when I looked into those eyes, I never gave it a second thought that he and I wouldn't get a chance to build a life together.

I remember a conversation we had about a month before one of the worse days of my life, he told me that i shouldn't wait for him.. and thinking maybe he is going to back to his ex, i just said okay but Im not waiting for you .. as a joke i figured he was just trying for me not to get hurt.
I think in the back of his mind he knew he wouldn't make it home alive, and by telling me not to wait was his way of saying that it was bad over there and no one really saw it coming or thought this would happen..
When I got the message that he was killed, I couldn't breathe, my eyes burned with tears , I felt sick..

Now at that very moment I wanted MORE.. I wanted to know that he was coming home to me and that it was all a sick joke..I wanted him.. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and I wanted to hold his hand and see his smile. At the moment they told me he was gone I wanted nothing more then him.. How could I not.. how could I not want more ,more of him more of the life we were going to build.. I wanted more..
How could I not want more..?

Its been almost 10 years since hes been gone, everyday I live my life without him in it.He's in my heart and hes still has a huge part of me that well forever be missing,But I havent found what Im missing yet,besides him Its all I know.
I break sometimes, and I wish I had him by my side. I can think of a alternate a life with him here, maybe not with me,but still here. I think so much,of the life I could have led with him.
But maybe this is all I've ever deserved, that's why I never question how come I don't have more. I have what I work for, what I've fought for.. Maybe one day Ill find someone and they well deserve me, and Ill finally ask how could I not want more.


Can you ever say How could I Not want More?