Writing a letter .. Helped Heal..

     
                                       Have you ever just sat down and wrote a letter to some one you miss, and even though you know they well never get it, you still write it and never mail it because there is no address in Heaven, but a part of you thinks they are reading it anyways?
When my grandpa John passed away I sat down with my trusty pens and my notebook and began writing ,something inside me had thought that if I kept writing it would make me feel better it would take the pain i felt for not being there , for not being by his side when he passed , by being millions of miles away, and it being a whole year since I saw him and hugged him.

 It didn't instantly take my pain away, but writing gave me a way out, it gave me the courage to come home and stand by my mom and grandma and be strong for them.
I wrote to him while I was home, I thought of memories him and I shared and I told him about how life was going all the things I wasn't ever gonna get the chance to say again.
For awhile this became a part of my daily routine so I could get through the days without him there, without balling my eyes out and not being strong.

When I returned to my daily life back in Las Vegas, I did all I could to get through the days and I started to believe he was still there that week had only been a bad dream I hadn't woken up from yet. I could do that because I wasn't there, and I could believe he was just napping when I called and talked to grandma like I did every day.

When I talked to Schuyler it helped , he knew I was sad but he always did his best to keep a smile on my face, he did this everyday we talked and I told him I should be the one keeping a smile on his face because he was the one that was in Afghanistan fighting a war, and I was just at home missing everyone . I started to bury myself in work I took every open chance I could to work, so I couldn't think or at least not about grandpa , and how hard of a time my grandma was having along with the rest of the family,

Schuyler always kept a smile on my face and he said I did the same for him but I would laugh and ask how because really all I wanted to do was cry. He made me feel alive again , and he made me happy, we would talk about us , about our dreams, we would talk about anything and everything and sometimes we would just sit there a smile at eachother, he was what I called my angel here on earth because he made me happy when I just wanted to cry.
4 months later , he was gone.. he was suppose to come home in April for a leave from the war, but he never got that chance I had planned to surprise him, but I never got to do that either.
After losing Schuyler I didn't think writing would help, I believed that nothing would, and for the longest time I believed I would never be the same person again. In many ways I'm not.
I wrote to him though I shared my daily details and cried a lot, I never realized how much writing helped  me heal in a way you wouldn't think. Writting for me was theropedic .

So for months I started writing letters to the Love ones I've lost , and it helped me heal, I dont think its for everyone but it helped me get myself out of depression.  Slowly I stopped , but not because I stopped missing them just because,I started writing the blog and It helped me heal just as much.. But every once in awhile I get out my note book and look at my pictures and I start writing them and telling them how much I miss seeing them, how much my life has changed since they have left. I have always said what I have felt and I have no filter (at least thats what ive been told lol) So when I write its everything I'm thinking everything , Everything I was feeling.
I'm glad writing has helped heal in a way I didn't expect so I don't take it for granted when I need it Im happy its just a pen and paper away .