Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Beggining of the Long road back

February Last year,everything in my life seemed unreal.






Just 4 months before on October 19,2008 I had lost my Grandpa John,at the time I did'nt know how to deal,I knew my grandpa John was sick,he had been for years.But my family and I still needed him here on earth.I still needed him,he was the grandpa that spoiled us,the grandpa that teased us and the Grandpa that when we fell would comfort us. He was a AWESOME Grandpa,so when I talked to Schuyler after everything happened that day,he told me Heather..Its ok you have to be strong for him,so Id ask about him and his life,he never said much about the bs that was going on over there,but I knew it was crazy,I knew he wanted to complain too and some days he did, I worked graveyard at the time,so we talked via my cell phone on yahoo messenger and every time my phone buzzed I knew It was him. We talked practically all through the night(as it was day there )He told me about his plans for when going back home,and his future. He hadn't yet figured out but we had a plan.,.A plan that for some reason God decided wasn't in the cards for us.



Schuyler and I were close,I told him so much because he listened as I did for him,he once told me when he was home from the first tour that I was the only one that was his friend and loved him that never asked about killing people over there,and so I told him,Its because I just don't have a reason to know,but if you want to tell me I well listen. I miss seeing his face on the computer screen when id get home,he would always ding me and tell me buzz buzz until it drove me nutty! he loved teasing me. I would complain to him about my life,and how boring it was for someone as young as I am,then he said to me Heather I never told you this because I don't want you to think Ur dad is Hott or anything but you look alot like your dad and more and more you sure do sound like him.I was dumb founded we had went to talking about how boring life was and I was doing the complaing and then he says that I stared at him through the screen and he laughed and said WHAT its true :)
God how I miss that boys crazy sometimes absolutely nutty comments!

Its been almost a year..This month was the month that changed my life,and so many others life's forever.

I had went from talking to Schuyler everyday to,only getting to stare at pictures of the face,and the guy I loved and missed so much.

Today he would of been 26,last year we were teasing each other on how old we were getting,and what we were really doing with our life.I miss those talks and him so very much..Happy Birthday my dear friend,I love you,I miss you..everything about you its unreal how just a year your life can change so much..I LOVE YOU SCHUYLER ALWAYS HAVE ALWAYS WILL...FOREVER
~Heather~

Friday, February 12, 2010

A little bit about me..

My life


I'm 26

I have two amazing parents and a Wonderful little sister, I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world.

I'm very very close to my Grandma Betty


(and was close with my grandpa john that passed away a year ago Oct.19th)

Ive never really Traveled but when I was 4 my dad and mom took me to Phoenix AZ and Las Vegas NV. Don't recall that vacation..But I'm sure it was a blast lol!
I want to travel I know Id love it, but when I do get to travel I go home..Home to my family and my friends Ive left behind.


I moved out to Las Vegas because my Uncle needed me,then I just started my life from there..there are many days I regret it,and one day ill make it closer to home just got to have the money first,life as adult just isn't cheap :) why did I ever want to grow up?


In the past 6 years Ive went to Culinary College,Graduated from Culinary School(with a associates degree in Culinary arts)got a Culinary Job and got my own apt. Also went from being a cook,to lead line cook,to Sous Chef..all in 5 years.
I've lost alot of people in the last 6 years that not a day goes by I cant help but wonder why them..why there turn...

But Ive also learned that you cant dwell on the past.

Since October 19,2008 Ive been pretty much a emotional basket case.In a span of 4 months since 10-19-08 I lost 2 of the most important people in my life. I didn't know how to deal so I dug deep into my job and avoided anything that could make my life any worse.


Since then Ive pulled myself out of depression on with a life I so desperately needed.
I'm 26 and most days after a hard day at my job I feel 96..

I'm a hard worker,I'm spoiled,Everything I have I work for.
I don't need anyone to take care of me,I'm set in my ways and sometimes I realize that's not a good thing but taking care of myself is all I can and the only one I can depend on.


Some even say I'm stubborn.I'm very picky, I do things my way. Some even say that I'm set in my ways and I may never find someone that can ever put up with me just being ME...

When I was in High school I had 6 best friends all girls and then I had two of the BEST Guy friends a girl could ever ask for one Ive known since 2nd grade Andy E. and the other I would soon meet and become the best of friends with..Benjamin, him and I were the best of friends,we talked about everything he was my go to guy,. Him and his family met the world to me,he and I fought,and then a moment later we were back to being the best of friends.When I left




7 years ago I moved to Las Vegas..

7 years ago I said goodbye to all my friends including Benjamin,and then 7 years ago I was asked not to talk to my best guy friend Benjamin anymore,and since then we haven't..but today I found out that in May or June he well be heading off to Afghanistan a place Ive found that scares the HELL out of me,one because I've been through the losing someone I cared about and I also see what it happens to people that get that lucky chance to come back to the States and how much life over there gets to them once there back..I'm scared for him and not sure how to deal with this..Its been 7 years since Ive seen him,talked to him.BE SAFE MARINE,even though 7 years have past us by & were both in different places in are lives,You'll always be my Best Guy Friend,You'll always mean alot to me,and always be a part of my past.There well never be a person who looked into my eyes and saw my heart,You were always there and I have missed you in 7 years,I pray for your safe return home to your Family.& I hope one day I'll see you again..

Heather

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Today I saw this group of soldiers every where I looked ..Men and Woman in uniforms.(staying at the place I work)
From a far I pretend it was your face..


Up close my eyes were watery,and tears soon fell down.




I wanted to go up to them and say thank you,but I couldn't get the guts..These men and woman leave there families and friends and there homes to fight this war. Some die for are safety,and the safety of there brothers and sisters in arms.

Today I looked at this crowd and thought I saw your face,and then you would soon run up to me and yell surprise I'm in Vegas! Then Hug me and tell me you've missed me.

But as a single tear fell from my eye I knew it wasn't true..
I was always so proud of you,and I'm so proud of all my other friends in Military.But I'm afraid to lose anyone else..
February 24, is less then a month away.. Seeing the soldiers today reminded me that its been almost a year..Almost a year we lost someone as special as you,We lost R HOMETOWN HERO.
Not a day goes by I don't hear a song and think Schuyler would love this,or a song that just plain old reminds me of you. We always talked and I miss that. I know I'm not the only one..










I love you Schuyler ALWAYS have ALWAYS will..never forgotten

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Changes..

When you think things are getting better,Life throws you a curve ball.
I woke up this morning and all I could think of is how things have changed,how much Ive changed.
Im 26 now,and in the past 6 years Ive lost my best friend(my child hood friend)Abby Dana,Ive lost my Grandpa John,and a man I loved so much,who was a great Soldier as well Sgt.Schuyler Patch.





The other day I was talking with My grandma Carol she told me that Grandpa Don(the only grandpa I have left) was going into a heart surgery, he would then have 6 bipasses and a valve to his heart fixed,since then he made it through the surgiers but in the last few days he has been my grandpa..Stubborn. He wont listen to the docters or nurses and because of that he is still in ICU.
Im glad that he is getting better just wish it was going faster so I wouldnt be so worried about him...I love you Grandpa Don.


I wanted this new year(2010) to be a GREAT year,but my past keeps comming back. Even though things have really changed for me since 2003,with the whole moving to vegas and losing the people I have loved,I always thought one day Id get back there..Id get back to me..The happy girl who smiled through everything in life. I never thought that after April 22,2004,happened because that is when everything went down hill,I lost some of the most important people in my life after that..


I try really hard not to dwell on all the bad stuff thats happened since then,I try my best to live the life I know they would want me to.But some days hurt more then others.

Then I think of all the good things that have happened since then, the Birth's of my best friends babies,who I love as if they were my neices &nephews...(there not related by blood but my best friends r close to me as my own sister)(so there related lol)

I have been single for about 4 years,and Im one of those people who is very set in her ways,my past relationships have swept me off my feet,and kept me wanting him to come back,and when he would I didnt know how to let go,but this new year I promised myself&my heart that It would finnally be over.And thus far Ive done well.

I just hope the rest of 2010 is better then the last 2 years...Thanks for Reading!

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Goodbye 2009


This year for me has pretty much been a world wind..A roller coaster by far.

I lost myself this year,I went from always knowing what I wanted,to losing everything I ever wanted.

I lost my Friend,and someone I loved so very much in February and I feel that i haven't been the same since.

I went through depression this year,and I hope I never have to go through that again...



I'm ready for this year to be over,maybe I can finally pick up the pieces Ive let fall out of place and pick myself up the only way I know how.


This year I made it to a year as a sous chef one of my biggest accomplishments in my life thus far.

I turned 26 this year,I'm only 4 years away from being 30 oh dear god...

I fell out of love with a guy Ive been in Love with for 4 years.

My family has been my rock especially my grandma she well never know how much her comfort and concern and love for me has truly helped me over the years..

Amy contacted me this year for the first time in 17years I heard from someone who has been out of my life for 17years,my emotions ran high,and not in a good way.

I lost myself this year and I hope in 2010 I get me back...



thanks for listening :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Bring on 2010

Monday, October 19, 2009

One year has already passed by..Miss you papa


One year has passed by,*10-19-08* I cant believe how the time has flew by,everyone tells me that it gets easier as the years go by some have even said that the days get easier,but everyday I think of how fast time has seem to fly by,where does the time go?




One day you were here,giving me hugs and telling me not to sit on Ur knee so I wouldn't break it,and we would laugh..the next minute I'm in Las Vegas and I get a call from grandma and you and your saying I miss you and love you baby.The next night I get a call from my dad saying you were no longer with us.


I remember that day but after that for a few months things were pretty cloudy.I never thought that life would be this hard..I didn't know if Id ever go back to being the Hedo arie you once used to call me.I walked around in clouds and thinking of all the things you ll never get to see or do again.Then I thought about what your defiantly doing up in heaven(Parting with a Milwaukee beer in your hand and enjoying watching over us)

When I went home in June 2009 I could barely go in your house(The house you and your brothers built with your own hands),or be around your chair you loved,I didn't want things to have been changed I wanted you to be around I needed you to be there.Our Family needs you to be HERE. Grandma needs you...Its not fair that god got to chose it was your time go,Because I never got to say goodbye or that I love you so much papa...
For months I was angry,I screamed at the Sky's believing that it was God's fault,that he is the one that made me feel this loss..this pain.I wasn't ready to have you leave..Its not fair,I miss you being here..I miss you teasing me about sitting on your lap,or taking your false teeth out and scaring the crap out of me with them...I miss you papa...
People that say Time heals all wounds... But they never lost a grandpa like you.

It just doest seem possible that it has been a year ...A Year ALREADY..where does the time go?

I remember going home,I remember having to say my goodbye's I remember how hard it was for me to walk up there,and I remember trying to be the strong one for my mom.
I miss you everyday and every second of that day your always on my mind..I know now that it was your turn to go,and I'm not mad at god anymore I understand he wanted someone as special as you.
I'll NEVER ever forget you I love you always.
Your Oldest Grandchild(and first Granddaughter Hedo arie)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Street naming

Today October 3,2009

Was the day they made it official.Your sign..Your name as a street sign...


Everyone that I knew was there,except for me. I saw some pictures of your sister&dad reveling.. the name,Ur sign....For you well never ever be forgotten,This I know..I know that this well be in so many hearts for years to come and everyone well know who SGT.Schuyler Patch was..What he meant to so many,and that he went down fighting like the true Hero we all knew and Loved.


Its been 7months and I know that time is passing by,and I keep looking for you to get off that bus,But then I come to realization,your bus has already made it home..and then I realize..7months ago you came home,Just not the way anyone ever wanted.

Your a Hero,A soldier,A friend,A uncle,A Son,A Brother...etc



Its true,hero's R NEVER EVER FORGOTTEN..





Some gave Some....
SOME GAVE ALL..


The time well pass by,and they say it gets easier..Time heals all wounds right? Well its been this long already and I still miss u so much..Just as much as I did the day you left this earth
February 24th,2009...

But You went down fighting and I and no ONE ELSE well ever forget so THANK YOU&KNOW I LOVE YOU,I MISS YOU AND ILL NEVER FORGET..<3

2019 started off single.. and ended in heartbreak

-This year , I started off Single... More often then not this is always a safe bet .. lol Then unexpectedly a relationship came into play...